Into the Light

I packed up my gym bag and drove to Safeway® in Kuapa Kai at 9:30am. I procured my morning cup of coffee. I was extremely groggy because of another party at Slob Manor (read: rental housing). The party was small, but it went on until 4am. I surmise that the frequency of the parties will increase as the eviction date approaches. I picked up moms at 10am. My bro and his son were home. The drive to Ala Moana Center was fairly quick. Moms did some shopping at Sears®, Longs®, and Foodland. We ate lunch at Patty's Chinese Kitchen in the Makai Mall. Moms had read that Patty's was going out of business. That is why moms wanted to eat lunch there for one last time. It turned out that Patty's is not going out of business. Rather, it is moving to a new location at Pearlridge Mall. Nonetheless, moms and I will probably never find a reason to go to that particular mall. It's too far out of the way.

The whole shopping complex was packed with satanic gargoyles. Walking amongst so many shopping cadavers as well as being in such close proximity to them made me numb. I experienced a spooky kind of mind paralysis. I could not function properly until we departed from Ala Moana Center. I dropped moms off at 1:30pm. Then, I drove to Koko Marina. I already anticipated the parking lot gridlock, so attempted to park near the library. Whoa! Even those spaces were taken. The last resort was for me to park in the obscure Hawai'i National Bank parking lot, which is only a slightly longer walk than from the regular parking lot.

I did my usual workout at the gym in Koko Marina. Once again, I had to take a shower while the female cleaning staff was in the men's locker room. After the gym, I walked to the library and donated Naomi Klein's book, "The Shock Doctrine," as part of my "share the wealth (of knowledge)" plan. The only book remaining in my personal library is, "Messages to the World: The Statements of Osama bin Laden." Then, I did a little shopping of my own at Foodland. The place was packed with fools. Almost everyone in line was purchasing large quantities of cheap booze. I had a long internal debate about whether I should purchase some cheap booze, and my rational side lost. I purchased a couple of oranges, a couple of apples, a loaf of bread, and an expensive ($8 on sale) four-pack of Guinness®.

I was back in my squalid room in Slob Manor by 5pm. For dinner, I ate beans and bread. What better way to celebrate the end of an essentially shitty year? What better way to usher in the new year, which will be even more shitty? The ol' lavahead was not invited anywhere. No one called. No one wrote. That's the way I like it! I have no more time kid's games.

I spent a bit of time compiling the data that I will need to generate my end-of-year financial reports and tax returns. I have noted that my net worth¹ has declined a little, but that's on paper only. That's the beauty of financial reports. Everything looks fine on paper. After all, I am dealing with paper assets and paper debts. Only until the cash flow is analysed will calm turn into panic. And, that's exactly what I did. Fortunately, I prepared for the outcome by purchasing the four-pack of Guinness®. Baha! Ha! Ha! Haaa! So, yes, at 9pm, I had to partake of the Guinness® high-quality brewskis. The housemates were outside burning their money up in smoke. The old year is over, my friends.

¹Final report not available until January 31st.

Return to Babylon

Another homeless guy emulation kind-of-a-day has crashed through the gates of history. Soon, the iron gates for the year 2007 will shut for the last time. The highlight of the whole day was the ten seconds that the hottie gym trainer was in my view as I entered the gym. Alas, baby was looking mighty fine. I was back in my squalid room in Slob Manor (read: rental housing) before 3pm.

I made the jaunt to Kahala Mall, although I have no idea why. The only two stores that were open included Longs® and Barnes & Noble®. Frankly, I have no idea why I have referred to the bookstore as my "safe haven." There is no safe haven for me, and a shopping mall is definitely a far cry. I can't say that I was pleased about returning to Slob Manor, but I can at the least retreat to my squalid room.

I have been keenly aware that I cannot properly implement the exodus while I remain entrenched in a debauched society. Even the divestiture of my worldly possessions accomplished nothing if I must continue to participate in the society, albeit marginally. The disease (i.e., epidemic of the "seven sins") has so fully permeated the culture that even minor exposure to the latter will trigger a severe epidemiology. In all honesty, I don't really know how I am going to escape the madness. Where am I going? How will I survive?

My immediate concern is to isolate myself from the myriad satanic gargoyles. I am sick of them. I can only handle minimal contact with them. Otherwise I will be infected with the same disease, the very one that I have tried to inoculate myself from. Their lifestyle and the culture are malignant. The shallowness of their being is so transparent, yet no one sees it. Rather, more and more of the cattle are buying into the "system." Well, that is a sure sign that the Prophesy has begun its fulfillment. Babylon is going to fall again.

I received the monthly statement for the "condotel" unit. According to the report, the unit was rented 26 out of 30 days for the month of November. In addition, there is still $140 or so in additional gross revenue that will be distributed later. I can only hope that the unit is occupied the full 31 days in December. Each day the unit is vacant, it will accrue $35 in lost revenue.

Breaking Down

A homeless guy emulation kind-of-a-day has slipped through the fingers of time yet again. The old local homeless guy was sitting on the dividing wall adjacent to Beretania Street when I passed through Kamali'i Park. He had, indeed, shaved his head. I ran into Mike, a former Asylum student, in the catacombs of Kukui Plaza. I was sitting on a concrete bench and enjoying my brunch, courtesy Safeway®.

I read a few more pages of George Friedman's book, "America's Secret War." In detailing the "September 11th" event, Friedman attributed excellent tactical and logistical operations to Al Qaeda and Osama bin Laden. In fact, the more that I read, the more unbelievable Friedman's analysis of the event became. If I wanted to read garbage that toes the company line, then I could have simply read the "official" commission report itself. In addition, Friedman postulated that the overall confusion and bungled intelligence was a matter of government bureaucracy and inefficiencies. I began to suspect that Friedman's ulterior motive was to support the idea of "privatizing" national intelligence. It just so happens that he is the founder of Stratfor, a private intelligence organization. I finally returned the book to its place on the shelf, where it should be left indefinitely.

I completed next Wednesday's workout at the gym this afternoon. Because next Tuesday is a holiday, I must adjust my workout schedule to accommodate the missing day. Normally, Saturday is only a cardio workout day. I was able to board a bus immediately after leaving the gym. Thus, I was back in my squalid room at Slob Manor by 4:30pm. I piddled around, Then, I piddled around some more. More piddling ensued. Soon, the time was 9:15pm. And, it was too late for me to make my evening jaunt. Alas, I was beside myself to find anything else to do. So, same ol' shit it was yet again. No, I am not breaking down. That's actually a DI.FM Deep House Music track by Ananda Project.

Soul Doubt Redux

I commenced my day with a hot cup of coffee from the Barnes & Noble® Café in Kahala Mall. I spent about 90 minutes perusing a few magazines. Then, I dorve to Hawai'i. I arrived minutes before moms returned. We drove to Zippy's in Koko Marina to purchase a couple of plate lunch specials.

After lunch, I chatted with moms until 12:30pm. Then, I walked to the gym in Koko Marina. The weather was overcast with gusty winds, but there was no rain. I did an abridged version of my usual workout. Just as I was about to take a shower, one the gym staff came into the locker room to announce that a female cleaning staff was coming to clean. I asked if it was okay to take my shower. "As long as you don't mind the female cleaning staff," the staff member responded. The "female cleaning staff" turned out to be two cute Asian babes. I took my shower while they were running back and forth doing their cleaning chores. It's too bad that they didn't offer to scrub down the ol' lavahead's physique, eh? Oh well. I made sure that they were out of sight when I undressed, showered, toweled dry, and dressed again. So much for the exciting part of the day.

I walked back in time to give moms a ride to her meeting at her church. I drove back to Slob Manor (read: rental housing). After parking my truck on the side road, I found myself back in my squalid room. With few other alternatives, I did the dreaded laundry chores. I piddled around in my squalid room until the usual time for me to depart for Kahala Mall. Alas, I just did not feel like going anywhere. So, I will repeat another night of ... the same ol' shit.

Same ol' shit it is. I am back to my old routine of chronicling the redundant itinerary of my extremely narrow life-style. The world has gone crazy, but I feel very little need to comment on the latter. I may "clip" a few articles of interest in the "blog." However, the Sitemeter tracker indicates that there are few "outclicks." The average viewing time is less than one second. So, why bother? I have seriously thought about posting more sporadically just as Mister Ray does. I will make a decision by the first of the new year.

Highway to Hades

Another homeless guy emulation kind-of-a-day has come and gone. We all know the drill by now. The highlight of my day was when I found myself inspecting the gray hair sprouting on my chest as I sat on one of the machines at the gym. Quite a profound experience, I might add. The hair is not actually gray. There's no color pigment at all, so the gray hair is actually transparent. The weather was not very good. Gusty winds and intermittent showers continued all day. A large hot cup of Seattle's Best® coffee from Safeway® and the hot shower at the gym were fully appreciated by me. I believe that I observed the old local homeless guy this morning in Kamali'i Park. He was just getting up. He set up camp near the dividing wall adjacent to Beretania Street. If that was him, he has completely shaved his head. I left for town at 9:15am and returned to Slob Manor (read: rental housing) just before 5pm.

When the time of my usual departure for Kahala Mall arrived, I hastily decided to remain in my squalid room all evening instead. The gusty winds and intermittent showers along with the definite chill in the air were deterrents to my my nightly jaunt more than anything else. Alas, I will have several more hours to engage in the same ol' benign shit.

Incidentally, the net income from the "condotel" unit as reported yesterday was only $497 and some change. I also neglected to mention that I had transferred $500 to my local bank from my investment accounts a few days ago. I have decided to drop my minimum balance in my local bank account to $500 in order to keep less money tied up here.

Life Is Life

I drove to Kahala Mall at 9am and staioned myself in the Barnes & Noble® Café after procuring a cup of coffee. I perused a few computer magazines. Later, I meandered around the store. The Asian hottie "bookseller" was on duty from ten o' clock. Baby was looking hot. I left for Hawai'i Kai at 11:30am. I made a brief stop at Koko Head Park to use the restroom facilities. By the way, have you ever wondered why everyone refers to a restrooms as a "bathroom"? There are no bathing facilities in restrooms. Anyway, the ol' lavahead's bladder is not what it used to be.

Moms was waiting when I arrived at noon. Moms served up leftovers for lunch. Moms and I were able to chat for a while. At 1:30pm, I walked to the gym in Koko Marina. I did an abridged version of my usual workout. Moms was already awake from her nap when I returned. I chatted with moms until 3:34pm. Then, I drove back to Slob Manor (read: rental housing).

I piddled around until I couldn't take it any longer. I made the jaunt to Kahala Mall as to be expected. I purchased a couple of things at Longs®. Then, I ended up at my safe haven, Barnes & Noble®. The Asian hottie "bookseller" was long gone, sad to say. I spent the time perusing the shelves of books that I have seen one too many times. Hard as it may be to believe, the air conditioned mall is warmer than the ambient temperature outside. I found myself back in my squalid room at Slob Manor before 9pm, just in time to initiate another evening of the same ol' shit.

I received my first distribution from the rental of the "condotel" unit for the month of November. The measly amount came to $817 and some change. However, $250 was subtracted for the rip-off start-up fee. Another 3.5 percent was deducted for the so-called "upgrade" fund. And, I will have to pay out another four percent for the GET. The distribution for November and December are under the so-called "minimum guaranteed payment" plan. The unit actually makes more if it is rented out every day. The excess will be paid along with the December distribution. Commencing in January, the distribution changes to the "fifty-fifty" plan. The nightmare for the "condotel" unit is just beginning. I must pay the accumulated GET every six months. My tax returns will be even more complicated as I must now separate the "condotel" (i.e., mortgage, maintenance fee) from my personal finances, somehwat like a business. I will most likely pay estimated taxes next year because I will not be itemizing deductions any longer. All in all, this is not the "freedom" that I have been anticipating.

I chatted with Ralph, Dean of HCC, briefly. He has a part-time position available for me. In fact, he pretty much set it up as a given. However, I am not too keen about the times and locations. I have a day or so to make a decision, although I am not ready to return to wage slavery. And, finally, I received holiday greetings from Caroll, The Bull, and Clyde in the Bay Area. I was happy to hear from them.

Saturnalia 2007

"It has been suggested that Christians in the 4th Century assigned December 25th as Christ's birthday (and hence Christmas) because pagans already observed this day as a holiday. In this way the problem of eliminating an already popular holiday would be sidestepped, thus making the Christianizing of the population easier. It is almost certain that the actual birthday of Christ was not in midwinter, since the gospels speak of shepherds tending their flocks, not something done in the cold in central Judea." -- From Associated Content Site

Worshippers of "Christmas" are not observing a Christian holiday, nor are they engaging in harmless activity. Saturnalia was a pagan holiday with all of the pagan trappings and associated debauchery. The celebration of Saturnalia, even if it is under the subterfuge of "Christmas" does not hide the fact that it is pagan in origin. Pagan rituals bring glory to pagan deities which, of course, can only be attributed to the sinister kahuna. Any kind of spiritism feeds the power of the sinister kahuna. The "system" feeds off of the energy of El Diablo. That is why the "system" is getting stronger every day and sweeping the myriad fools into its vortex like a strong flush of the urinal. The throwing around of money, especially borrowed money, to celebrate a pagan ritual only serves one ultimate purpose - enslavement.

I was settled in for the evening (last night) when Tobin, one of the housemates at Slob Manor (read: rental housing), asked me if I could give him a ride to the airport. He had allegedly arranged a ride with Jay, another housemate, but the latter was at a party on the other side of the island. Tobin's flight was to depart at 11:30pm, and the time was already 10pm. What was he thinking? Out of the goodness of my heart, I drove him to the airport in my Nissan® Frontier truck. The drive consumed about $8 of petrol, which left me somewhat perturbed. Later, I compensated myself with three bottle of cheap brewskis that were laying around Slob Manor. Baha! Ha! Ha! Haaaa!

I departed for Hawai'i Kai in my truck this morning at 9:30am. My first stop was Safeway® in Kuapa Kai. Both Safeway® and Longs® were open until mid-afternoon. The parking lot was nearly full, but I was able to find a space. The supermarket was mobbed with satanic gargoyles. I purchased my usual brunch items. Then, I drove to Koko Head Park.

The park was fairly deserted. What a beautiful morning, though. I sat at one of the picnic tables and drank my large cup of Seattle's Best® coffee and nibbled on my air-filled energy bars. The view of Koko Crater was spectacular. I could see a line of hikers going up and down the trail that leads straight up to the ridge. Low clouds were passing overhead, which brought intermittent showers. One of the softball fields served as the feeding ground for a hundred or so birds. A sharp screech from the distance caused the birds to suddenly take flight. After one incomplete circle, they all landed back in the field. The whole park was so green. It was a feast for sore eyes.

I finally left the park at 12:30pm. I made one more stop at Safeway®. I spent part of the time at the park contemplating what I would eat for dinner. I had my heart set on an expensive $6 Oriental Salad that I had seen earlier. Alas, the salads were completely sold out. I settled for a cheap pack of seasoned chicken wings and a couple of fresh baked rolls. The temptation to purchase more cheap booze was fairly high. However, I restrained myself.

The sun finally came out around noon. Thus, when I returned to Slob Manor, I decided to wash my truck. Sushant and Jay arrived just as I finished. They were going to hike up Hawai'i Loa Ridge with a few other friends. They invited me to join them. As you may recall, Professor Lisa and I went on that particular hike a year or so ago. Aside from not having any decent shoes to go hiking, I was pretty much done for the day. So, I declined the invitation. I took a shower and relaxed for the rest of the afternoon.

Due to the Saturnalia holiday, I had no choice but to remain in my squalid room in Slob Manor all evening. What did I do? Same ol' shit. Sheesh!

Midnight Sunshine

I drove my truck to Kahala Mall and arrived there before 9am. I purchased a cup of coffee in the Barnes & Noble® Café. I read a few magazines and perused a few books, nothing worthy of mention. The Asian hottie "bookseller" went on duty at 10am. Baby was wearing a burgundy-colored dress. Baby was looking hot. I met moms at Longs® at 10:30am. By then, the mall was extremely crowded with last-minute Saturnalia shoppers. Moms and I ate lunch at Pearl's Korean Barbeque. After lunch, I gave moms a ride back to Hawai'i Kai. Moms wanted to do some shopping at Foodland in Koko Marina. The parking lot was gridlocked with cars. I dropped moms off near Foodland. Then, I had to park across the street next to the Hawai'i Kai branch of the library.

I stopped at the library to donate a couple more books. I am "sharing the wealth." The wealth of knowledge, that is. I donated, "The Great War for Civilization," by Robert Fisk, one of my all-time favorites. I also donated, "Dark Ages America," by Morris Berman. I specifically asked that the books be put into circulation, just as I did with the last batch that I donated.

I walked to Foodland and found moms already in the checkout line. Moms and I had to walk back to where I had parked the truck. The parking lot was still gridlocked. The myriad 4000-pound motorized chairs (read: automobiles) were circling the entire parking lot. I dropped moms off. I could not stay because my bro and his son were home for the day. I drove back to Slob Manor (read: rental housing) to drop off the fruit that moms had given me.

I drove back to Hawai'i Kai and parked by the library again. I walked to the gym from there and did my usual workout. The Koko Marina parking lot was still gridlocked. After the gym, I attempted to stop off at Safeway® in Kuapa Kai, but I encountered the same gridlock problem. I became extremely frustrated, almost to the point of becoming homicidal. So, I drove to Kahala Mall. I craved a smoothie from Jamba Juice®. When I arrived at the mall, I was fortunate to find a choice parking spot. The lot was almost completely full. The mall was an even bigger madhouse than earlier in the morning. The Jamba Juice® store was completely mobbed. I gave up and sashayed to Barnes & Noble®. The store was extremely crowded. The Asian hottie "bookseller" was still on duty, looking as hot as ever.

At 4pm, I decided that I had enough of the Saturnalia charade. On the way back to Slob Manor, I decided to see if I could find parking at the Aina Haina Shopping Center and pay a visit to the Foodland there. No problem-o! I was able to find parking immediately. However, all I could find to purchase was a carton of fat-free milk and a big-ass can of Foster's® brewski, the latter being my dinner. I was back in the detestable Slob Manor by 5pm.

As Saturnalia Eve drew closer, all of the shops were closing down for the day. Even the gym closed early, which is why I accomplished my workout in Hawai'i Kai. I am droppin' back the big-ass can of brewski for dinner as we speak. Saturnalia Eve will be the same ol' shit for the ol' lavahead. He has nowhere to go, no one to see, and nothing to do. His nerves are completely shot anyway. A whole day of driving around like a fool, wasting precious petrol in parking lot hell, craving the elusive smoothie, and finding nothing worthy of eating for dinner in an entire supermarket. Sheesh! Alas, he did get a glimpse of the gorgeous Asian hottie "bookseller." If only one of his two favorite hotties would come around, he keeps pondering to himself. Well, thank goodness for the big-ass can of brewski!

Ad Nauseum, Ad Infinitum

Another homeless guy emulation kind-of-a-day has elapsed. We know the drill. The only human known to me, the old local homeless guy, was nowhere in sight when I walked through Kamali'i Park this morning. I sat in the catacombs of Kukui Plaza and enjoyed my usual Safeway® brunch. Then, I piddled around at various locations until noon.

When I walked into the gym, I noticed immediately the conspicuous absence of the hottie gym trainer. Suddenly, I felt sluggish. I was able to persevere through my complete workout. However, while I was engaged in the last few minutes of my cardio workout, I saw baby working with a gym member. Baby was looking hot. I felt a surge of energy (read: testosterone surge). On my way out, I observed baby working with the same gym member in the small vacant area across the front desk. Baby may have seen me checking her out. Oh well, baby is a hottie. How could I help myself?

The bus ride back to Slob Manor (read: rental housing) was a nightmare. No surprise, though. It's been that way every Sunday. All I could think about was the hottie gym trainer while I was waiting to transfer to another bus in Kaimuki with about six other losers. There were a few losers on the morning bus as well. One clown who sat adjacent to me suffered from the infamous "Kim Chee Breath." For some reason, he kept opening his mouth. Each time he did so, I was inundated with a pungent odor of rancid garlic. The clown could easily be classified as a WMD.

I made the jaunt to Kahala Mall this evening despite the intermittent showers. I made the usual rounds since all of the stores were open. My final stop was my safe haven, Barnes & Noble®. I purchased a cup of coffee in the café to combat the chilliness of the night. I spent most of the time perusing computer books. I returned to Slob Manor at the usual time. The rest of the evening? Same ol' shit.

Head Above Water

Another homeless guy emulation kind-of-a-day has come and gone. Say it ain't so! I had to tolerate a gamut of rude satanic gargoyles from the minute that I arrived in town. The only friendly person was, believe it or not, the old local homeless guy. As I walked through Kamali'i Park, I noticed that the old local homeless guy was lying in his makeshift bed in the middle of main sidewalk that traverses the park. He propped himself up as though he had just awakened. "How are you, my old friend?" he asked. I was dumbstruck. The rest of the day, from my jaunt to Safeway® to purchase my brunch to my time in the library through the completion of my workout at the gym, was filled with self-absorbed and rude clowns. Are the homeless and the destitute the only real humans left on the planet? Has our life-style and culture degenerated to such a low point? Hell yeah!

At the library, I spent an hour of time reading book, "America's Secret War: Inside the Hidden Worldwide Struggle Between America and Its Enemies," authored by George Friedman, the founder of Stratfor. A very interesting and clinical analysis of current history, primarily as it involves Russia, the US, and the Middle East. I am not in total agreement with his analysis, but I am open to read his entire thesis.

A very crowded bus ride finally returned me to Slob Manor (read: rental housing). I performed the dreaded laundry chores a day earlier than expected. I piddled around until 7:15pm when I made my venerable evening jaunt to Kahala Mall. I purchased a few sundries at Longs® before making my final stop at my safe haven, Barnes & Noble®. I spent only about 15 minutes there before returning to Slob Manor. My throat has been itching. I suspect that I have contracted a minor cold. The rest of the evening will be ... the same ol' shit!

Now that moms has essentially a clean bill of health, I must return to the agenda of the exodus. I must concentrate on the divestiture of my useless possessions. The "condotel" unit remains a priority. However, I cannot sell it if there are no buyers. The disposition of my Nissan® Frontier truck must be determined. I have less than three years before my driver's license expires. Currently, I am not planning to renew it since I have vowed to decline the driving test. The truck itself will cease to be useful if moms becomes less ambulatory and is unable to ride in it. My other useless possessions are minimal in comparison, most of which can be dumped in the trash can (or donated to charity) at any time.

I am now completing my seventh consecutive month of my emancipation from wage slavery. I exist in limbo. That's about the best description that I can come up with. To be honest, I have no idea what I am going to do once I am at the point of making the exodus from society. The only way that I can continue to survive here is to become homeless. Decisions must be made soon. I am running out of time.

Deep Rootz

Another homeless guy emulation kind-of-a-day has come and gone yet again. Do I have to repeat that line every single day? Yes, I do. Otherwise, there would be no "blog." The day was a repeat of yesterday except that I read portions of Strobe Talbot's book titled, "The Russia Hand: A Memoir of Presidential Diplomacy," while at the library. The other exception is that I sadly did not see the hottie gym trainer at the gym this afternoon or the Asian hottie "bookseller" at my safe haven, Barnes & Noble®, this evening.

I read the last few chapters of Talbot's book in order to learn about the transition from Boris Yeltsin to Vladimir Putin in Russia. The book gave me a better understanding of Yeltsin, although I am still convinced that he was a drunken stooge for the West. Essentially, I am wrapping up my research of the Cold War. Shocking as it may seem, the Cold War was not inevitable. Truman invoked the Cold War after the last meeting of the "Big Three" at Potsdam. Europe was in a shambles, and the greatest fear was that a few nations could have gone Communist. Hence, Truman made the decision to maintain a US military presence there. In addition, the Marshall Plan was enacted to assist in the reconstruction. When Eisenhower finally issued his infamous warning about the "military-industrial complex," it was already too late. WWII had increased the size of the US military machine beyond the scope of "defense."

The Communist scare was used to demonize the Russians and deceive "Americans" into believing that Communism was equated with a cruel dictatorship and police state. The fear fueled the Cold War. The Russians had no choice but to escalate its own military plans once Truman put on the atomic bomb show in Japan. Stalin, himself, did not want to engage in arms race. The war had ravaged Russia. However, Truman and his successors believed that Communism had to be crushed. In reality, the driving force behind the rhetoric originated with the moneychangers and powers-that-be. Russia was a closed society, but the capitalist elite were more concerned about Russia being a closed economic state. In the end, the Soviet Union collapsed on its own. Gorbachev attempted to restructure the USSR through his perestroika plan, which included spinning off the satellite states. However, it was Yeltsin, the future tool of the West and then-President of Russia, who eventually brought down the Communist Party. Yeltsin, however, knew nothing about economics as was the case with most of the Russian bureaucrats. How could they? The Communist economy is all that they knew. Eventually, as Russia faced financial collapse, Yeltsin turned stooge for the West. Naomi Klein provides an excellent background primer in her book, "Shock Doctrine."

Yeltsin may have gotten the last laugh in the end on the capitalists who used him. He abruptly resigned on New Year's Day 2000 and had set up Putin as his successor. In the next seven years, Putin undid many of Yeltsin's fatal errors and turned the Russian economy around. As we approach the year 2008, we are seeing elements of the Cold War coming back like a bad sitcom. Cash-rich Russia is increasing its military spending and research. Its military is now resuming global patrols. And, why? Because Shrub and the Neoconmen want to deploy a missile defense shield in former Soviet states and recruit the latter into NATO. Little wonder why China saw the light and is also aggressively building up its military.

It is not realty inconceivable to envision a war between the US and Russia and/or China in the near future. At this point in time, the Middle East is certainly a point of contention between Russia and The US. The real geopolitical issue is energy resources and who ultimately controls them. That's the "Grand Chessboard" that Zbigniew Brzezinski has alluded to. For a while, I believed that such an international confrontation was merely conversational fodder amongst ignorant dispensationalists. I am beginning to see and even "bigger picture" about the coming secular Apocalypse.

With the coming of Saturnalia, most of the satanic gargoyles are too busy shopping to bother with current affairs. Yet, when are they not too busy to learn the truth? Never, I assume. The facts are there. Once just needs to find the facts and read them. Then, connect the dots. I am even more convinced that the "September 11th" event was well beyond the scope of invocation by Osama bin Laden. The moneychangers and powers-that-be have a lot at stake in the game called "New World Order." We are all part of the juggernaut called empire that is barrelling along, but running out of steam. Once its financial "system" collapses, it will only have its military. Recall the history of Nazi Germany to see the parallel on a smaller scale. We often equate the German Empire with Hitler's megalomania. There's a reason why Hitler went on a military rampage in Europe and it had to do with the German economy at the time. Yes, history tends to repeat itself especially with uninformed masses. It gives me the willies.

Lone Cat

I neglected to mention that I ran into Mike, the director of the office that oversees the faculty computer room at the Diploma Mill, and his "partner" Jerry at Longs® last night. I was cordial to both of them, although I had to no reason to be. Fortunately, there was not much to discuss. I hope to never run into any more Diploma Mill clowns again. My time in that urinal is over and done with.

Another homeless guy emulation kind-of-a-day has come and gone. We know the drill, don't we? After my Safeway® brunch, I spent about three hours in the library. I continued to read Bernard Weisberger's book, "Cold War, Cold Peace." Quite an interesting tome. I did my usual workout at the gym. As I was walking to the bus stop at Chinatown Gateway Plaza, I saw the hottie gym trainer. Baby was walking down the steps near the entrance to the plaza. Either baby parks her car there in the parking structure, or she lives in the building. Baby was looking so hot. I passed within inches of her. I almost suffered a stroke from the resultant testosterone surge. Baby looked through me as though I did not exist. After all, I am invisible to babes. Sheesh!

I made the jaunt to Kahala Mall this evening. No surprise. I spent every minute at my safe haven, Barnes & Noble®. The hottie Asian "bookseller" was on duty. Baby was looking so fine. I spent my time perusing book, magazines, and DVDs. For some reason, I became cognizant of how serious the satanic gargoyles went about their shopping. It is as if shopping is some kind of well-honed hunting skill. Quite amusing. Well, the time came for me to return to Slob Manor (read: rental housing). Oh, the horror! And, the rest of the evening? Same ol' shit, of course.

By the way, I discovered what is causing the half-second desktop blackout when I power up my Toshiba® Satellite notebook computer. The culprit is Windows® Sidebar. The blackout is similar to the effect caused by the tedious User Account Control, but without any dialog box appearing. And, the "blog" title is courtesy of the DI.FM House track by Ben Watt.

Cold War

Another homeless guy emulation kind-of-a-day has come and gone. Same ol' shit. Ho boy! I was groggy again for most of the day. I was surprised that I completed my gym workout. Perhaps the problem is that I am not eating enough. My daily caloric consumption is at 1,400 calories or less. I made the nightly jaunt to Kahala Mall. I foolishly purchased a small 180ml bottle of Sho Chiku Bai Sake from Longs®. I ended up at my safe haven, Barnes & Noble®, later. The Asian hottie "bookseller" was on duty. Baby was looking hot. I left at the usual time. I was glad to return to Slob Manor (read: rental housing) for once. The temperatures have been extremely chilly for Hawai'i. When I say "chilly," I mean cold as in Cold War. Too bad the Asian hottie "bookseller" doesn't want to come around, eh? Fortunately, I have my small bottle of Sho Chiku Bai Sake to warm me up. Sheesh!

Out of curiosity, I have been researching the Cold War at the library. I became interested in the topic after I read a few chapters from Eric Alterman's book titled, "When Presidents Lie: A History of Official Deception and Its Consequences." I was intrigued by the treatise on Franklin Roosevelt, which specifically dealt with the beginnings of the Cold War with Russia. Alterman asserted that Roosevelt had returned from the Yalta Conference and deceived the "American" public about the future of Poland. The Yalta Conference, as with its predecessor in Tehran a few months earlier, involved the "Big Three" (i.e., Russia, Britain, and the US). Stalin, Churchill, and Roosevelt were deciding the fate of Eastern Europe and Japan after the war. The latter plans included divvying up the spoils as well. The problem with the outcome, of course, was that Russia (considered an ally at the time) ended up occupying many of the smaller nations that were formerly controlled by the Nazis. For obvious reasons, Russia did not want to remove its forces from those particular nations. Poland was a sore point with the US because of the large number of Polish immigrants who had settled in the US. There was a general expectation that Roosevelt would pressure Russia to restore Poland to its original state (i.e., reinstate the Polish government that was in exile in London). However, Roosevelt was unable to secure such a promise from Russia. Roosevelt was, in fact, more concerned about establishing the now-defunct League of Nations. Alterman then focused on the subsequent deception involved. I became more curious about the Cold War itself. After all, the "history" that is taught to us from early on implicates the Russians. Stalin was an evil dictator who could not be trusted. The Russians were hellbent on the expansion of Communism and was a distinct threat to the US. The Russians must be "contained," we were told.

I perused another book titled, "Cold War, Cold Peace: The United States and Russia Since 1945," authored by Bernard Weisberger. Russia, as it turned out, remained true to the Yalta Conference. The US and Britain, however, gradually reneged. By that time, Truman had taken office. The focus eventually was cast upon Germany with the focal point being Berlin. Coincident with that time frame, the US had just perfected the first atomic bomb, of which Truman felt was of great hegemonic advantage. In fact, there is almost no question that the use of the atomic bomb against Japan was simply a demonstration of power for the benefit of the Russians. The war for Japanese was already a lost cause even before its attack on Pearl Harbor.

Hubris and obstinance, much like Pharaoh of Egypt in the time of Moses, eventually overcame Truman. All further negotiations with the Russians were ended. The Russians absorbed the satellite nations and formed the Union of Soviet Socialist Republics (USSR). Truman was convinced that the threat of nuclear WMDs would "contain" Russia. Instead, much to his surprise four years later, a US reconnaissance plane detected a nuclear explosion in Siberia. The arms race was on. Clearly, the US had every opportunity to avoid the Cold War. What would the world have been like today had the Truman been more pragmatic with the Russians?

Galavanting

"The Senate gave President [Shrub] a big win on Iraq Tuesday night as it passed a massive $555 billion spending bill combining funding for 14 Cabinet departments with $70 billion for U.S. military operations there and in Afghanistan," reported the Associated Press. Where's the outrage? Clearly, the latter is proof that the government is being controlled by another entity. Can you say, "moneychangers and powers-that-be"? In the meantime, the dollar is making a surprise comeback. The Japanese yen is deliberately weakening. Oil and gold prices are falling like rocks. The status quo (and the yen carry trade) is returning with a vengeance!

Another homeless guy emulation kind-of-a-day has come and gone. We all know the drill. I was completely groggy from my useless excursion last night. Not even a large cup of Seattle's Best® coffee from Safeway® could help me. I was still sluggish when I went through my gym workout in the mid-afternoon. Well, at least the ride on the Route 1L bus this afternoon was relaxing for once.

Back in my squalid room at Slob Manor (read: rental housing), I installed the optional update for the pathetic Intel® 945 Express Chipset video driver. Now, I have the idiotic half-second screen blackout on start-up again. I solved that particular problem before by removing an offending tray application. Now, I have no idea what is causing the problem. Is there no end to the cheesiness that I must contend with?

Thus, when I made the jaunt to Kahala Mall this evening, I stopped by the Apple® Store. Yes, the very store that I was treated horribly a while back. In all honesty, I dropped my vow (i.e., to never set foot in an Apple® Store again) a couple of weeks ago. There is no computer as elegant as an Apple® computer. I wandered around the store and perused all of the computers that I can no longer afford. Wendy, one of the Mac Specialists (and a cute babe), approached me. She had seen me in the store on several occasions, she said. We ended up chatting for about 15 minutes. Well, at least I was not asked to leave the premises by the moronic security guard. Sheesh!

My last stop was my safe haven, Barnes & Noble®. I wandered around the store, but mostly perused books in the "Current Affairs" section. Sadly, I had to return to Slob Manor. I locked myself in my squalid room and piddled around on my now-despicable Toshiba® Satellite notebook computer. I listened to DI.FM Deep House on Net radio for the rest of the evening. Same ol' shit. Today's title is taken from the House Music track by Community Housin'.

Wild Goose Chase

I departed for Hawai'i Kai at 8:30am, even though I was extremely groggy. I stopped at Safeway® in Kuapa Kai to purchase a large cup of coffee. In the process of removing the cup from the pathetic tray, I spilled half of the scalding hot coffee on my hand. I found myself wide awake at that point. Moms was home when I arrived. So was my nephew. Fortunately, there were only a few minutes of time before we left for Kahala Mall. Moms did some shopping at Longs®. We ate lunch at Panda Express®. On the way back to Hawai'i Kai, we stopped at Foodland in Koko Marina so moms could purchase much needed groceries. Later, moms served up coffee ice cream for dessert. I walked down to the gym in Koko Marina at 1pm. I did my usual workout. I chatted with moms briefly after I walked back.

I drove back to Slob Manor (read: rental housing) at 3:30pm. Once back in my squalid room, I decided to perform the dreaded laundry chores a day early. Tobin, one of the housemates, was home. I chatted with him for a few minutes. There still seems to be all kinds of confusion concerning our alleged eviction. I piddled around in my squalid room until 6pm. Leading up to that time, I had made the tentative decision to embark on an excursion to purchase a memory card for my Toshiba® Satellite computer. I had seen an Office Depot® sale flyer that touted what I was looking for. So, off I went on the bus.

I rode the Route 23 to Ala Moana Center. I had to use the restroom badly, so I had to walk to the Makai Mall restrooms. That cost me five minutes. However, I was able to board a Route 6 bus that put me right at the Ward Center. I trudged to Office Depot®. The place was huge, but there were few people inside the store. there were even fewer employees. When I inquired about the memory card, I was told that it was sold out. Sold out? The damned sale just started yesterday. How many were in stock? Two? I spent a total of five minutes maximum in the store. The time was already 7:15pm. What a joke!

I sashayed briskly to the nearest bus stop. My only choice was to ride any bus to town. Fortunately, a Route 65 bus arrived shortly. I disembarked in town. Within minutes a Route 1 bus arrived. I boarded with the intention to alight at Kahala Mall. However, as the bus was approaching the mall, I changed my mind. Why bother? I would have had only 20 minutes of time before my usual bus arrived. So, I was back in Slob Manor at 8:10pm after an evening wasted on a "wild goose chase." Thankfully, I have postponed the purchase of the memory card indefinitely. The omen was given to me, and I accept it.

Aside from that, I watch incredulously as see the zombies going about their business without a care in the world. "It's just another day in the neighborhood. Would you be my ... would you be my ... neighbor? (sing-along with Mr. Rogers).

Limbo Redux

Another homeless guy emulation kind-of-a-day has come and gone. We all know the drill. The sad part is that the hottie gym trainer was not at the gym today, most likely because the air-conditioning system and water were off for maintenance all morning. Seeing baby is the only highlight of the day. I was in a foul mood upon exiting the gym. The bus ride back to Slob Manor (read: rental housing) almost provoked me to go on a homicidal rampage. The continuation of the recent rainy weather did not help.

Once back in Slob Manor, I chatted with Tobin for a few minutes. He said that the landlord has had a change of heart. So, the guys on the first floor will be able to stay longer, whatever that means. I laughed. The whole situation is farcical, and I have no time or patience to deal with trivial nonsense. I piddled around in my squalid room. Dinner consisted of the usual fare, beans and bread. The intermittent showers persisted through the evening, but I ventured out into the wet night anyway. I ended up at Kahala Mall, my last stop being Barnes & Noble®. I have been perusing, on and off, a book titled, "The Squandering of America: How the Failure of Our Politics Undermines Our Prosperity," by Robert Kuttner, one of the founders of The American Prospect. It's a another book worthy of addition to my library, but I probably will not purchase it quite yet. I was back in my squalid room by 9pm. Same ol' shit? You bet!

Aside from breaking the caffeine habit, I will have to work on a much bigger issue. I must become more compassionate toward humanity, even though I have no desire to befriend or acquaint myself with its members. I have demonized most of humanity as kabuki-masked satanic gargoyles. Obviously, the "demonization" of any entity facilitates easy disassociation. However, I have gone one step further. I have come to despise humanity. In fact, my attitude now has usurped any chance at humility. I have become haughty, righteous in my own eyes. I have taken the inconsideration and insensitivity of the satanic gargoyles and transformed their energy into my active disdain for them. I have become one of them. I have to learn to ignore them and pretend that they are invisible when they infringe upon my being. After all, I am invisible to them. I am nobody.

So, what else is percolating in the oversized cranium? The ol' lavahead wants to add another gigabyte of RAM to his Toshiba® Satellite notebook computer. Why? It's plenty fast now. There are no processor-intensive applications installed. He must also take his Nissan® Frontier truck in for service (i.e., oil change, tire rotation). Why doesn't he do it himself just as he did with all of his other vehicles? All that money will be flowing out and the fool has no health insurance and no dental plan. His teeth are giving him trouble. Yet, he is checking out the Coast-to-Coast Memory site. By the way, that's where he purchased additional memory for his old Apple® iBook.

Alas, my life in limbo is really a one-way street. There may be a misconception that turning back is still an option. I'm afraid not. I could not return to a life of debauchery or quasi-debauchery because I know better. Once the wiles of the "system" are understood, there is no way to become ignorant again. I no longer can play the "game" or be an unwitting participant because I have been enlightened. Indeed, knowledge is power. I have only one path to follow now, that is, the exodus. The obstacles that I have mentioned prior will only impede my progress, but nothing can stop the exodus. Anyone following the same path should be made aware that there is no turning back. Do not attempt to exit society unless a true commitment is there. Attempting to turn back in midstream will cause extreme duress. There is no way to turn back.

How I Came to be Nobody

Well, I am back to the homeless guy emulation in full force. Even though I barely slept last night, thanks to the jam session, I was on my way to town on the bus at 9:15am. Brunch (read: coffee and air-filled energy bars), again was courtesy Safeway®, with dining facilities (read: concrete bench) provided by Kukui Plaza. I spent several hours in the inner courtyard of the library. Intermittent rain showers pretty much precluded much else. I walked to the gym at 2pm to do my usual cardio workout. I was on my way back to Slob Manor (read: renatl housing) at 3:15pm.

When I arrived at Slob Manor, I was privy to another jam session, courtesy Tobin and a few of his idiotic homeys. My guess is that the jam sessions are being used to provoke a confrontation with the landlord. When one is both young and stupid, there is just no limit to the spectrum of moronic behavior displayed. For the most part, stupidity of that kind falls into the genre of the great "American" life-style. Little wonder why the nation has degenerated to the point of social collapse. There are no prevailing values except for narcissism. And, narcissism feeds consumerism quite well. With each passing day, I find that I can tolerate "American" society less and less. In general, all of humanity either needs to be humbled or destroyed.

I piddled around until 7:15pm. The place was actually quiet as the "musicians" took a long break, most likely going somewhere to get something to eat. With so much creative juices flowing, the "musicians" were, no doubt, famished. I decided to make the jaunt to Kahala Mall since the rain had stopped hours ago. However, a downpour ensued wile I stood at the bus stop. Had the bus been on time instead of 15 minutes late, I would not have been completely drenched. My poor umbrella was completely useless, what with the gale force winds and all.

At Kahala Mall, I spent the time meandering around. I purchased a big-ass container of psyillium at Longs® first. I ended up at my safe haven, Barnes & Noble®, whereupon I observed the Asian hottie "bookseller" traipsing about. Baby was looking mighty fine. I purchased a cup of coffee in the café to warm up. I have no idea how I am going to kick the caffeine habit. I stayed at the bookstore until 9:30pm, an hour longer than usual. Every now and then, I caught a glimpse of the Asian hottie "bookseller." Oh baby! The rest of the evening was the same ol' shit. Naturally, I had to return to my squalid room in Slob Manor.

I have had ample time to reflect on the past week - a close call for moms, and an averted detour of my own life. Had the news been bad rather than good, there would have been many ramifications ... too numerous to ruminate upon. I am extremely happy that moms is doing fine. I, myself, have been given a reprieve. Therefore, I have bought a little more time to settle my own affairs. There is not much left of my life. My family only consists of moms. My bro and his family have long ago disassociated from me because of family estate issues. I have disassociated from friends and acquaintances, doing absolutely nothing to maintain ties, mainly because I see no purpose. What exactly holds humanity together these days? Certainly nothing of value. I find that I have to deal with treachery and chicanery far too often. I am better off being alone. Hence, I am now a nobody. Mister Nobody.

I am no longer certain about if and when I will return to wage slavery. I am having difficulty visualizing myself back in the workforce as a "team player." There is too much incongruence between the world and myself. I have no idea how I am going to survive. Then, there is the now-defunct babe situation. Although I am still distracted by babes, most notably the hottie gym trainer and the Asian hottie "bookseller," I am keenly aware that I will remain both single and celibate for the rest of my short life. There are no other options.

Currently, I am in limbo, not quite achieving my goal to exit society because I am still too entrenched with idiotic obligations of my own doing. I am attempting to plan for my future, with my most pressing concern being the time when moms is gone. I must have all of my worldly ties and obligations severed or terminated by then. I have no idea where I will be or what my mental state will be at that time. However, I will no longer have one iota of interest in maintaining anything resembling my present life-style. I will be an even lesser nobody, which is good.

Good News

I departed for Hawai'i Kai at 8:30am, stopping at Safeway® in Kuapa Kai to purchase a cup of coffee and one air-filled energy bar. Moms was home when I arrived. The weather was not too good, with intermittent burst of heavy rain. I chatted with moms until 11am, when we left for town. Moms' appointment with her doctor was at 11:45am. We arrived just in time. The doctor's office, however, was full of patients waiting. Finally, after about 30 minutes, moms' name was called. This was the day that moms would learn the results of the ultrasound and MRI lab tests. About 15 minutes later, moms came out to collect me. I went into the examination room and met moms' doctor. The moment of truth.

Much to my relief, the news was good. The MRI and ultrasound lab tests did not reveal any kind of brain hemorrhaging. "You won't need neurosurgery or anything like that," he told moms. The doctor went on to describe the results, noting most of the common old age symptoms (i.e, some hardening of the arteries, brain atrophy, white-matter loss, and so forth). Thus, the bleeding appears to be eye-related. The ordeal is not over yet. Moms will now have to consult with her opthamologist to see what procedures will be necessary. Moms and I thanked the doctor for the good news.

We drove to Ala Moana Center after the appointment. The place was completely packed. Moms wanted to eat at Patty's Chinese Kitchen in the Makai Mall. So, that's what we did. After lunch, moms wanted to do a little shopping at Longs® and Foodland®. After all was said and done, the time was already 2:30pm. Moms was fatigued. We drove back to Hawai'i Kai. Moms served up coffee ice cream for dessert. I chatted with moms for a couple of minutes. Then, I drove to Koko Marina. I parked my truck in the parking structure and walked to the gym at the other end of the shopping center. I did my usual workout.

I was back in my squalid room in Slob Manor (read: rental housing) at 5:45pm. Sushant, the Indian guy, chatted with me for a few minutes. He said that Tobin and Jay, the housemates on the first floor, have been given 45-day notices by the landlord to vacate. Sushant did not receive any notice. He is planning to move anyway, out of principle, he said. Pete was already moving out as he is planning to join the Coast Guard. As for me, I have no idea what is going on. I have not heard anything from the landlord.

A sudden downpour almost prevented me from making the jaunt to Kahala Mall this evening. The rain stopped miraculously just a few minutes before the bus was due to arrive. I meandered around the mall and ended up at my safe haven, Barnes & Noble®. I felt more at ease tonight, most likely because of the good news concerning moms. I had not slept well in days. I was so preoccupied that I could barely think or function. In fact, I was on the verge of mentally shutting down.

The two housemates, Pete and Tobin, were having a drums and electric bass jam session on the second floor of Slob Manor when I returned. The instruments have been upstairs since the night of the big party. I simply closed the door behind me when I stepped into my squalid room. There was a lot of door slammin' and incoherent music being played. My guess is that the clowns are trying to taunt me because they still believe that I have been informing the landlord about their activities. Frankly, I could care less (read: I could give a shit). I have had too many other concerns on my mind. I do not need to trouble myself with adolescent stupidity.

Cruisin'

One can only guess that are no surprises during the course of another homeless guy emulation kind-of-a-day. And, one would be correct. I departed for for town on the Route 1L bus with another driver who apparently was not acquainted with route. I had to disembark at an earlier than expected stop. Fortunately, there was another Route 1L bus right behind the one that I was riding. Now that I think about it, one of the bus was not on schedule. I believe that the bus that I was originally riding was 30 minutes late.

Brunch was courtesy Safeway®, with spartan dining facilities (read: concrete bench) courtesy the catacombs of Kukui Plaza. On the way to the library, I observed the old local homeless guy sitting on the dividing wall in Kamali'i Park. He asked me for a cigarette again. I continued walking through the Capitol district and the grove of banyan trees. Once at the library, I performed the usual homeless guy rituals (i.e., using the restroom, brushing my teeth). Then, I sat along the periphery of the inner courtyard. I sat motionless for over an hour. Essentially, I contemplated the same issues that I chronicle in the "blog."

At 1pm, I dropped my gym bag off at the gym. I then restored my monk haircut at the Institute of Hair Design. By 2pm, I was back in the gym to complete my usual workout. I was able to board a Route 1L bus almost immediately afterward. However, why do I need expedited transportation? I am only returning to Slob Manor (read: rental housing), certainly not a place that I dare call "home." Yet, that's exactly where I found myself at 4:45pm. I piddled around for a while. I ate my staple of beans and bread for dinner. A sudden downpour commenced at 6pm. I made mental preparations to spend the entire evening in my squalid room. However, the rain let up just before my usual departure time for my evening jaunt to Kahala Mall. Thus, I was on my way.

The rain started up again when I alighted the bus. I stood under the hideous freeway structure that runs above Wai'ala'e Avenue. When the rain finally bated, I walked to the mall. The place was packed with satanic gargoyles engaged in a furious bout of Saturnalia shopping. It was a pathetic sight. I looked around until I was too sickened to tolerate any more frivolous consumerism. I sought refuge at my safe haven, Barnes & Noble®. The Asian hottie "bookseller" was on duty. Oh man, baby was wearing a dress and looking just too hot. My mind started playing tricks on me. Immediately, I headed to the café and purchased a cup of decaffeinated coffee. Did the coffee distract me from baby's presence? No, but it tasted good. I departed at the usual time. I was back in my squalid room in Slob Manor before 9pm, safe and sound.

My only thoughts for the day were wrapped in massive confusion. I am simply confused about the life that I lead ... or, we lead ... and what exactly the latter should amount to. The nation has been engaged in two illegal wars for five years now. The banking system is on the verge of collapse, yet the only solution is to keep inflating debt bubbles. Our lifestyles are convoluted meaningless messes. We have so much, but it all amounts to nothing. The moneychangers and powers-that-be are robbing us blind, and we welcome them. "Here, rob us some more," we tell them in glee. And, all most of us have to show for anything are a bunch of useless depreciating possessions and hours clocked in front of the tube. I don't get it. Do you?

Roses on the Wall

"I tell the evil Bush, leave our land, we do not need you or your armies ... I tell the occupiers ... you have your democracy and we have our Islam; get out of our land." -- Moqtada al-Sadr

Almost a carbon copy of yesterday, my day began with a drive out to Hawai'i Kai at 9pm with a brief stop at Safeway® in Kuapa Kai to purchase one air-filled energy bar and a cup of Seattle's Best® Colombian coffee. Moms was home when I arrived. Moms was waiting for the Sears® appliance repair technician to arrive. The washing machine has been out of service since Monday. I chatted with moms for a bit. Then, moms attended to a few chores. I put another hour of time in with my pumice stone. Gradually, I am wearing down the scale-like surface on the soles of my feet.

At noon, the service technician called to confirm an arrival time. When the service technician finally arrived, I drove down to Zippy's in Koko Marina to purchase a couple of spaghetti plate lunches. When I returned in a few minutes with the plate lunches, the service technician was just leaving. A cheap plastic part was the culprit, but the repair cost was $167 and some change. After we finished lunch, moms served coffee ice cream for dessert.

Later, I walked down to the gym in Koko Marina at 1pm. Moms started a long overdue load of laundry. I did my full workout at the gym. When I returned, I chatted with moms for a bit. I drove back to Slob Manor (read: rental housing) and parked my truck along the side road. I also had to perform the dreaded laundry chores. I piddled around in my squalid room for the rest of the afternoon.

Another uneventful evening was spent at my safe haven, Barnes & Noble®, in Kahala Mall. I caught a glimpse of the Asian hottie "bookseller." Baby was looking so hot. I was back in Slob Manor before 9pm. My soul felt even more empty, completely devoid of spirit, when I set foot in my squalid room. I have had absolutely no affect in two days.

Carla Royal described succinctly my own on-going despair:

I want to disappear into the mist. The ancient Chinese poets did. Why can't I? I'm tired of trying to convince others. I'm tired of trying to convince myself. What if I simply gave myself permission to disappear into the mist? I don't want to be a part of this culture, but this culture is all around me, above me, below me, in me. I can't escape it. It permeates all. It touches everything ... and destroys. There is no escaping it, only navigating it, only preparing for its collapse and it IS collapsing. I long for its collapse but I know that I'm not ready for it. I don't know how to grow my own food, treat my own water, build an adequate shelter, make my own clothing and shoes. Civilization has taken that from me and left me as helpless as a child, completely dependent upon it. I live daily with PTSD because of this culture. And the trauma continues daily. I can't escape it. I feel it in my body and soul. I suffer as do all others; my nature friends included.

I had a rough summer. I was traumatized by some folks in a way I've never quite experienced before. I carry that trauma in my body. I am working on releasing it. Because of the nature of the situation I am unable to completely remove myself from the trauma at this time so occasionally I re-experience it. When I re-experience it I go into flight or fight mode. So this is how people walk around in the world. Traumatized by this culture. Traumatized by traumatized people. In constant flight or fight mode. What are we to do, those of us who long for sanity? Culture isn't like a relationship that one can simply choose to leave, and even leaving a relationship is no simple undertaking. But this culture extends into every corner of the earth and every corner of our minds. It is insidious. It is unrelenting. It devours. It will even take our souls if we let it, and we do let it. But surely our soul is the one thing this culture can't take from us unless we allow it. We don't have to allow it. We don't have to surrender our soul, and if we have, we can reclaim it. Perhaps in this culture the most we can do is to reclaim our soul. Reclaim it from the machine, from the institutions, from the busyness, maybe even from God. And perhaps in the reclaiming we will learn something about how to negotiate this culture and its collapse. But how can one go about reclaiming one's soul?

Royal's article titled, "Reclaiming the Soul in a Soul-Murdering Culture," appeared on the Carolyn Baker site. It's a must read.

Hotline to Hell

My minor research into brain hemorrhaging (or hematoma) is causing me greater distress. I am not a medical doctor, so I cannot rely upon my own prognosis. However, the symptoms that moms' has reported are coincident with brain hemorrhaging. Moms' opthamologist spotted the pool of blood behind her right eye. Frankly, I see no other option than surgery. The source of the blood leakage must be found and stopped. The pooled blood will destroy brain tissue in the meantime. I only hope that the hemorrhaging is not so advanced that it will preclude the use of microsurgery techniques. Major surgery for moms will be a significant risk at her age. We can only wait for the MRI results to learn the extent of the damage and what the prognosis will be. I am very worried.

I have set up a voicemail account that may eventually supersede my cell phone. I have included the details later in the "blog." I should be able to listen to messages directly from the Web interface. That's the limit of "high tech" in the ol' lavahead's world. Well, there still is the rarely used forums. However, there will be no "podcasts" or videos posted on YouTube® by the ol' lavahead.

I departed for Hawai'i Kai at 9am, first stopping at Safeway® to purchase a cup of coffee and one air-filled energy bar. Moms was home when I arrived. The plans to meet up with Aunty Lyn were not finalized yet. So, I did a partial wax job on my Nissan® Frontier truck. Then, I spent about an hour using my pumice stone to grind down the shale-like skin on the soles of my feet. At one point, moms saw me grinding away with the pumice stone and laughed.

Moms finally contacted Aunty Maria, whom Aunty Lyn is staying with. The plan was for us to drive to the Straub Clinic and visit with Aunty Lyn in Uncle Tosh's hospital room at 2pm. The plan did not sound too great either to moms or me. Moms made hot dogs for an early lunch. Coffee ice cream was served up for dessert. Moms took a nap after lunch while I walked to Koko Marina to do one-half (i.e., weights) of my usual workout at the gym. I returned at 1:15pm. I loaded the goodies that moms wanted to bring along into my truck. Then, we were on our way to Straub.

After finally parking the truck, moms and I made our way to Uncle Tosh's ward. Aunty Lyn and Aunty Maria were there. Uncle Tosh had just gone through a morning dialysis session, so he was fatigued. Aunty Lyn did not recognize me at first. She thought that I was a "Filipino boy." Later, after moms clarified that I was not a "Filipino boy." In fact, the ol' lavahead could easily be a stand-in for General Noriega. Does General Noriega look like a "Filipino boy"? Aunty Lyn guided me outside the room to chat. Oddly, she spent the time chatting with me rather than moms.

For some reason, I sensed that Aunty Maria really did not want moms or I there. Moms had suspected the latter when she had talked earlier on the phone with her. There were just too many people in the room, I suppose. We left after a short 20 minute visit. Aunty Maria and Aunty Lyn were also leaving because Uncle Tosh wanted to rest. I believe Aunty Lyn wanted to make sure that I understood why she wanted to spend almost exclusive time with Uncle Tosh and Aunty Maria. I brought up some of the points to moms in order to insure that moms' feelings were not hurt.

Moms and I drove back to Hawai'i Kai. I chatted with moms for a bit before returning to the gym in Koko Marina to complete the cardio portion of my workout. After a nice shower, I stopped by Foodland. I was able to procure a Spam® Musubi and half of a lamp-baked chicken, all for $2 and some change. I then drove back to Slob Manor (read: rental housing). I quickly consumed my cheap dinner once I was in my squalid room.

The evening would not be complete without a jaunt to Kahala Mall and my safe haven, Barnes & Noble®. So, it was. I spent an hour or so there before returning to the confines of my squalid room at Slob Manor. For the latter part of the afternoon and on into the evening, I felt like a zombie. I was completely devoid of affect. I walked around in a trance, performing all my normal tasks as an automaton would. I did not even know if I was me.

The Fed lowered short-term interest rates by only one-quarter percentage point. I was expecting a drop closer to one full percentage point. The ingrates on Wall Street reacted with a plunge in the stock market. If the Fed continues to plod along with minuscule rate cuts, the war level of two percent will not be reached for another 48 weeks. That puts off the incursion into Iran until the election month of November. What do you suppose that means?

Eviction

I was on my way to Hawai'i Kai at 9am. I made a stop at Safeway® in Kuapa Kai to purchase a cup of coffee. There was none, and one of the employees were planning to brew a new batch anytime soon. It was still a little too early for moms and I to drive to Kahala Mall, so I washed my beloved Nissan® Frontier truck. At 10am, we were on our way.

I purchased a cup of coffee from Starbuck's®. Moms did a little shopping at Longs®. We ate lunch at Pearl's Korean Barbeque. Moms kept telling me that the food was extremely sweet. The food tasted exactly the same to me. Moms was also sniffling. She claimed that her sinuses were acting up. Coupled with the symptoms of blurry vision and the "dizzy head," I began to wonder if the hemorrhaging was somehow related. Could the bleeding be affecting the areas of the brain which control the senses? After lunch, we drove back to Hawai'i Kai. We stopped at Foodland in Koko Marina so moms could purchase a few food items. Moms served up coffee ice cream for dessert. We chatted for a little while. Then, I was on my way.

I dropped my truck off on the side street near Slob Manor (read: rental housing). I baked in the sun for about 20 minutes until the bus arrived. Once I arrived in town, I walked to the gym. I did my usual workout. In true robotic fashion, I headed to the bus stop after my workout. The 4:05pm Route 1L bus arrived on time, but the driver did not want to let us board. The whole bus was empty when we finally were allowed on board. The driver was talking on her cell phone to a supervisor in an attempt to find out which bus stops are served by the route. Apparently, the driver had passed all of the bus stops in town prior to the one I was standing at. Why are the bus drivers not given specific details about the route before assigned to it? The rest of the ride was mind-numbing. We followed behind a regular Route 1 bus because the driver was not acquainted with the special stops. However, the limited stops are only for the corridor after Punchbowl Street in town and ends at Kahala Mall. Even the passengers have no idea about what's going on. Oddly, I appear to be sole person who knows anything about Route 1L.

After piddling around in my squalid room for an hour or so, I departed for Kahala Mall on the bus. I meandered around the mall until I ended up at my safe haven, Barnes & Noble®. I purchased a Triple Chunk Chocolate Cookie from the café on the way out. That, my friends, was the highlight of the evening.

The landlord of Slob Manor had called three times in the last two days, leaving one message. Apparently in an uproar over the housemates' big party, the landlord is now planning to give us all a 45-day notice to vacate the premises (read: eviction). It's almost laughable, although I knew that it was coming. A moderate headache quickly developed upon hearing the news. Is there no end to the stupidity that I must endure?

Well, I installed the new OpenOffice Version 2.3 Office Suite last night on my Toshiba® Satellite P105 notebook computer. I am pretty much stuck with Windows® Vista until I can solve some ridiculous issues concerning Linux. The fault apparently lies with Toshiba® computers, although there has been some debate about the Linux kernal itself being the culprit. It seems that I made a big mistake by choosing a Toshiba® notebook computer to use for the Linux conversion. There is endless forum chatter about the latter's video and audio issues, with the audio problem being the worst of the two. I have located an article that may have found the solutions to both the video and audio problems which appeared on the Linux Laptop Wiki. Why do I always make the wrong choices?

Paper Wings

The Slob Manor (read: rental housing) house party, sans House Music, went on until the wee hours of the morning. A young drunk hottie staggered into my squalid room at one point while I was piddling around on my notebook computer. At 3am, I was too fatigued to think. I installed my ear plugs and attempted to sleep. In actuality, I was able to sleep even though someone was playing the drums just outside my door while shitty reggae music dominated the recorded selections bellowing through the highly distorted stereo system. I was very groggy when I woke up this morning at 9am. The smell of stale brewskis still permeated the whole of Slob Manor. The place was a mess. I packed my stuff and departed for town. Traffic along Kalani'ana'ole Highway was not bad considering that the entire eastbound lanes were devoted to the Honolulu Marathon. There were thousands of people snaking along in both directions. Regardless, the bus made good time.

Once in town, I embarked on my usual homeless guy emulation commencing with brunch courtesy Safeway®. I piddled around until 12:15pm. Then, I walked to the gym. I observed the hottie gym trainer was busy working with a gym member when I descended the stairs to the weight room. Oh man, baby was looking hot. Even in a fatigued state, my mind started playing tricks on me. Well, there's no need to elaborate since baby is not coming around.

I rode an extemely crowded bus back to Slob Manor. The ride was far from relaxing, and my patience was already taxed from a lack of sleep. Upon my arrival in Slob Manor, I observed that a half-ass job was done to clean the dump. I cleaned the official partygoers' bathroom. I also cleaned up the second floor dance area and rearranged the furniture. I thought of making the jaunt to Kahala Mall, but I was too tired. All of the housemates came and went, so I had the dump to myself after 7pm. I spent the whole evening piddling around with my Toshiba® Satellite notebook computer and listened to DI.FM Deep House on Net radio.

A couple of days ago, I viewed an interesting video titled, "The Money Masters" (also available in two parts). Although I was not impressed with the inclusion of a couple of Milton Friedman's quotes, I was entranced by the sordid history of the "American" banking system, namely the coup that brought the Federal Reserve Bank into existence. If a complete history of the modern "fractional reserve" banking system of money creation through debt is too cumbersome to sit through, then I recommend that just the second part of the documentary be viewed. Believe me, it's a "seat of the pants" piece of work that will keep you wondering about what your money is worth. For me, I came to a better understanding of a conclusion that I stumbled upon myself a while back. The financial "system," the "system" run by the moneychangers and powers-that-be, are pulling the strings. Politics and current affairs are simply "incidentals." Just follow the money, my friends.

Phase of Life (Reprise)

The bus ride to Kahala Mall this morning took 45 minutes due to road repairs near Aina Haina. Traffic was completely gridlocked. I spent about an hour or so in the Barnes & Noble® Café with a delicious cup of coffee. I returned to Slob Manor (read: rental housing) before 11:30am. My housemates informed me that a big party was planned for the evening. I was invited. I thanked them graciously. However, I had no intention of participating.

I piddled around for a few minutes. I departed for Hawai'i Kai at 11:30pm, making a stop at Safeway® in Kuapa Kai to purchase a few air-filled energy bars for my brunch. I tried to to find a place to sit down and eat my air-filled energy bars. However, like most modern strip mall, the one in Kuapa Kai had no outside seating unless the latter was part of an eating establishment. I finally sat on a grubby concrete bench outside Longs®. Within minutes, one of the Longs® employees sat on the adjacent bench and lit up a cigarette. Never mind that there are "No Smoking" sign all along the building as required by the farcical anti-smoking laws. Naturally, the bench that the bitch sat on was downwind from me. Disgusted, I got up and walked back to my truck.

I decided that I would eat the air-filled energy bars as I drove over to pick up moms. More road construction led to a 20 minute traffic jam in the Safeway® parking lot. I had to take a circuitous route around Hawai'i Kai Drive. Nonetheless, I arrived on time. Moms and I left within a few minutes for town. We arrived at the doctor's office right on schedule at 2pm. The office had about six chairs, a box of magazines on a long table, and a wall-mounted tube with the Food Channel playing. On the table was a clipboard with a form. Aside from the entrance, there was one other door, which was windowless. There was an elderly couple sitting at one end of the room. I asked them where we check in. The elderly guy told us that moms would have to fill out the form on the clipboard and wait. Apparently, the couple's mother was in the MRI lab. Had they not been there, we would not have known what to do.

At about 2:30pm, the sole person working at the clinic appeared from behind the windowless door. He signaled for the elderly couple to enter the MRI lab. Moms had to fill out a couple more forms in the meantime. After the elderly couple wheeled their mother, who was in a wheelchair, outside, the sole lab person asked moms a few questions. He was abrupt with moms. I wanted to slap his head, but I refrained. A few minutes later, moms was admitted into the MRI lab. I took moms' purse and put it in my truck. The process was supposed to take about 45 minutes. Initially, I planned to take a walk. However, I aborted the idea when I was about a block away from the office.

I sat in the waiting room for the rest of the time. I perused the pathetic magazine collection. I glanced at the idiotic program on the Food Channel every now and then. Mostly, I sat and pondered exactly what was going on. There is a chance that moms is seriously ill. This is not a "reality" show. This is real life. Frankly, I became so overwhelmed that I could barely think. I retrieved moms' purse from my truck before moms was finished. I was happy to see moms when all was said and done.

We drove to Kahala Mall so moms could look around Longs®. Moms was probably too fatigued to shop since she missed her afternoon nap. We ate a late lunch at Panda Express®. I cannot even articulate what the simple act of eating lunch with moms meant to me. Given the circumstances, those moments are becoming extremely precious. After lunch, I drove moms back to Hawai'i Kai. After I dropped moms off, I drove to Koko Marina and did my cardio workout at the gym. Then, I returned to Slob Manor.

The housemates were all busy preparing for the big party. I dropped off my gym bag, and told them that I would be back after running a few errands. I first drove to CompUSA®. I arrived there at 7pm. I meandered around until 8:30pm. Then, I drove to Ala Moana Center. I wandered around a variety of stores before ending up at Barnes & Noble®. I was surprised to see the hottie "bookseller" on duty. Baby was looking mighty fine. I also purchased a large Coffee Frappacino. My mind, however, was fixated on moms' situation. At various times, I could barely keep myself composed. I left when the store closed at 11pm.

Sadly, I knew I had to drive back to Slob Manor. When I arrived, the party was in full swing. The second floor was where the dance area and music was located. I closed the door behind me when I walked into my squalid room. The smell of stale brewskis was everywhere. The bathroom that I share with the Indian guy was the official partygoers' bathroom. I did not want to be there. So, I grabbed my stuff and left.

There was really no place to go. So, I drove to Koko Marina, hoping that Foodland or Taco Bell® was open. I eventually purchased a mediocre sandwich from Foodland. Most of the clowns filing in and out of Foodland were buying large quantities of cheap booze. I sat outside on one of the tables and ate my bland sandwich. A homeless guy sat at the next table.

I drove back to Slob Manor. The party was going even stronger. I locked myself in my squalid room for the duration. In another time and place, I would have been more open to participate with the fools. However, I've been there too many times. It's the same ol' shit. I no longer wish to consume cheap booze. What good has it done me? There were a few young hotties at the party, but they have no time for an old codger. Then again, I no longer have time for stupidity. The upcoming year may be very trying for the ol' lavahead. Too many things are going on, and too many things are going awry. It's the phase of life that I knew would eventually come about. And, now I must face it head on.

Limited Stops

I stuffed my face with M&M®'s candy last night while I walked around Kahala Mall, so much so that I did not sleep well. Aside from the high quantity of sugar, chocolate also contains caffeine. I was fairly groggy when I finally got up this morning.

I attempted to ride the 9:45am Route 1L bus to town, but again it did not show up at the scheduled time. Either the bus was extremely late or extremely early. Who knows? I had to stand with my umbrella in a sudden downpour for about ten minutes until the Route 23 (formerly Route 58) bus came by. I decided to stay on that bus and stop off in Waikiki. I had the GET form from yesterday on my person, so I could bring it by Quagmire Prison (read: hotel).

Once at Quagmire Prison, I was reminded of my painful incarceration there not so long ago. The prison staff (read: hotel staff) was as unfriendly as ever. I can't sat that I miss the dump. Fortunately, I noted that the "Vacancy" sign was turned off, so the dump was full. The assistant warden (read: assistant manager) made a copy of the GET form. If I did not submit the form, I would not receive my distribution of the rental proceeds of my "condotel" unit. I will be receiving last month's proceeds around December 24th (less the rip-off $250 "start up" fee). My financial updates at the beginning of each month will reflect the various rip-offs.

I rode the bus to town to begin a belated homeless guy kind-of-a-day. Fortunately, the rain had stopped. I was able to procure my brunch at Safeway®. As I sat and consumed my brunch in the catacombs of Kukui Plaza, I observed a huge downpour commence. The good part about being retired is that I am never in a hurry to get anywhere. Rather than walk through the Capitol district, I decided to ride the bus for three blocks to reach my destination, the library. A short walk across King Street, and I was there.

I sat in the inner courtyard of the library. I lapsed in and out of a coma while the soothing sound of the rain added to the ambiance. At one point, I noticed that drool was dripping down the side of my mouth. Well, hey! I am a senior citizen now! At 2:15pm, I made the trek to the gym. I was momentarily detained by another downpour, but the various trees in the Capitol district supplemented my overwhelmed umbrella.

I did my usual workout at the gym. I attempted to ride a regular Route 1 bus to Kaimuki and transfer to the Route 1L. However, we were moving in very slow motion. Afraid that the Route 1L bus would pass us, I alighted at a stop near Ward Avenue. The Route 1L was 20 minutes late and completely full. More and more satanic gargoyles boarded the bus at each of the limited stops. The whole affair was reminiscent of a cheesy circus. Idiots were yelling when we passed by bus stops where they thought they could disembark. Obviously, quite a few idiots could not grasp the meaning of "Limited Stops" on the signage. As we passed the various bus stops, I could see idiots yelling and waving their arms, also unable to understand what "Limited Stops" means. Traffic was extremely bad with most of the town streets completely gridlocked. Even I, a retired senior citizen in no hurry to be anywhere, was beginning to lose my patience. Frankly, it was the level of sheer stupidity that was getting to me as opposed to the wasted time.

I was extremely fatigued when I set foot in Slob Manor (read: rental housing). I ate beans and bread for dinner as usual. I had thought of going out to eat somewhere in Kahala Mall, most likely Taco Bell®. However, I did not want to ride the bus again. The rain was still coming down off and on. My nerves were shot. I decided to stay in, which may not have been a better alternative. I sat in my squalid room all evening with my beloved Toshiba® Satellite notebook computer. Thanks goodness for the DI.FM Deep House channel.

At about 8pm, Tobin, one of the housemates downstairs, turned up his cheesy stereo full blast. All the housemates were there except for Jay, who was at work. I suspect that they were trying to push me to see if I would "snitch" on them to the landlord. How infantile! They have no idea that I have many their things to worry about than their little games. I continued to sit in my squalid room and listen to Net radio. After all, there's more to the phrase, "limited stops," than the simple application for bus stops.

Forever Mundane

Another downpour commenced last night and continued on until this morning. I debated about whether I should ride the bus to town or not. On the agenda was a visit to the Business Action Center (BAC) way out on Nimitz Highway. I thought about the potential for chaos if there was heavy rain in town. Thus, I decided to drive my trusty Nissan® Frontier truck. The State has numerous vacant office buildings in town. I have no idea why the BAC was located in such an inconvenient location. I decided to stop at Kahala Mall first and relax with a hot cup of coffee in the Barnes & Noble® Café. If I am going to drive anywhere, I must as well make the most of it, eh?

The drive to town was quick. The rain apparently had passed a few hours earlier. If I had known, I would not have driven there. parking was another fiasco, since I really did not know where the dump was located. Finally, I found a customer parking stall. I parked my truck and went in search of the elusive BAC office. It turned out that I was in the right building. The office was on the second floor in the back. I was there to obtain my GET certificate for the despicable "condotel" unit. I paid the $20 fee and was on my way within 20 minutes. I drove out to Hawai'i Kai. Moms was just returning home when I arrived at noon.

Moms showed me a big box goodies that Aunty Lyn (moms' sister) had sent her. Aunty Lyn will be flying here from Cali next week to visit for three days. I drove moms to Koko Marina to shop for groceries at Foodland. Then, we picked up plate lunches at Zippy's. After lunch, I walked down to Koko Marina to go to the gym. I did my usual workout. Then, I walked back to say good-bye to moms.

The sky was clear and the sun was out when I drove back to Slob Manor (read: rental housing). Just minutes after I set foot in Slob Manor, a sudden downpour commenced. I had no choice but to perform the dreaded laundry chores. I also cleaned the bathroom again. The Indian guy, whom I share the bathroom with, has yet to do any cleaning. He's probably happy that he has free maid service. Heck, I don't even take a shower there. The filth and slime that covers every fixture in the bathroom is a product of the Indian guy. I even cleaned his diarrhea stains in the commode. Frankly, I have no time to play infantile games with any of those fools. Then again, I have no idea what the hygiene standards are in India.

Did I make a run to my safe haven, Barnes & Noble®, tonight? You bet. First, I meandered around Kahala Mall. And, I stopped by Longs® to purchase a big-ass bag of M&M's® candy. That was my dinner, by the way. Sadly, I returned to Slob Manor before 9pm. Incidentally, the buses were all running early tonight. Whassup wi' dat?

I have calmed myself down about moms' health. There's not much that can be done until the MRI is completed and its findings as well as that of the ultrasound tests are reviewed by moms' physician. While I am certain that the problem is not trivial, there may be medically non-intrusive options available. So far, moms has not experienced any adverse symptoms beyond the recent "dizzy head" episode (which actually was quite severe).

Shopping Mummy

Another homeless guy emulation kind-of-a-day. Once again, rather than going into the redundant details, I will mummify the discussion right here. The only aggravating part of the day was my trip to town on the bus, which took all of one hour and 30 minutes. Most of that time was spent waiting for buses that never arrived. I rode three different buses to get to town, by the way.

The gym is still my sole purpose for the daily jaunt to town. Yes, I must acquire my brunch at Safeway® since I stock no brunch items at Slob Manor (read: rental housing). The gym, however, is the focal point of my day. The rest of my daily routine is simply to fill the void of too much time on my hands.

I ended up at Kahala Mall again tonight, with my safe haven, Barnes & Noble® being my final stop. As much as I despise shopping malls, I find that I can escape reality when I am in one. I have no interest in acquiring more useless crap, but I browse the stores and peruse all of the crap. I pick up and inspect the items just as a real shopper would. All of my nagging concerns simply disappear while I mindlessly emulate a consumer. I become a complacent zombie. A window shopping mummy. To add to the shopping ambiance, I purchased a cup of decaffeinated coffee from the Barnes & Noble® Café to sip while I pretended to be a shopper. When I returned to Slob Manor, I felt much more relaxed. Is that why the majority of the nation is in an apathetic stupor?

Finally, I must at least make a brief comment about the recently released NIE (National Intelligence Estimate) findings that have contradicted the Shrub administrations assertions about Iran's nuclear bomb ambitions. Nothing will stop the upcoming incursion into Iran. The truth did not stop the incursion into Iraq. We are just waiting for the Fed to lower short-term interest rates to the war level of two percent or lower. In the "corporatocracy" (read: Facist state), the corporations and the financial system determine when and where the wars will occur. The political process is simply a "dog and pony show."

Truth to Meaning

Lord knows, we can only imagine what another homeless emulation kind-of-a-day entailed. It's not a mystery, it's all history ... in the "blog," that is. So, I will spare all of the redundant details. I neglected to mention that I transferred $2,127 to my local bank yesterday.

I did spend a lot of time thinking about the meaning of life again. My thoughts somehow converged to when I was sitting on the padded bench with moms yesterday in the waiting of the Cardiac Ward of Queen's Hospital. I wish that I had a picture of that. All kinds of thoughts went through my head while we sat there. I tried to remember way back when I was a kid. If I had a doctor's appointment, I would be taken there by moms on the bus. Then, moms would wait with me in the doctor's office. Now, the roles are reversed. I know that moms is worried. However, there is nothing that I can say or do to make things better. I will just be there with moms.

I don't really want to call this moment in time an epiphany. I despise the term. It's too "New Age." However, since yesterday, very little else in my life seemed to matter anymore. I really could care less about the financial world. I will eventually be robbed of all of my assets anyway. I have become too sickened of politics and current affairs to care about either. Everything that I believe to be true is dismissed as "conspiracy theory." I definitely could care less about my worldly possessions. My education, my worthless experiences out on my own ... all superfluous. Why bother? The end of days are nearing, and we must divest ourselves of total trivia. We must care about what really matters and nothing more.

I ended up at Kahala Mall again tonight. I purchased a microwave oven rice cooker (made in China) for $8 at Longs®. I am not certain if I will ever cook rice again, but I now have a cheap and fast option. Then, I spent an hour at my safe haven, Barnes & Noble®. The Asian hottie "bookseller" was on duty. Baby was looking gorgeous. I returned to Slob Manor (read: rental housing) by 9pm. I will spend the rest of the evening with my Toshiba® Satellite notebook computer.

Meaning of Life

I drove out to Hawai'i Kai in my truck at 9am. My first stop was Safeway® to purchase my obligatory cup of coffee. Hardly anything beats a hot cup of Colombian coffee in the morning. Moms was waiting when I arrived. Moms showed me the paperwork for her appointments. The one today at Queen's Hospital was to be for an ultrasound test. On Saturday, moms will be going in to a smaller clinic for a MRI. I could tell that moms was a little worried. Her doctor had referred to the bleeding as "hemorrhaging."

I drove down to Koko Marina at 11am to expedite my schedule. First, I did a slightly abbreviated version of my usual workout. Then, I purchased a couple of packages of sushi from Kozo Sushi and a Beef Curry plate lunch from Loco Moco. I drove back with the food. Moms and I ate lunch with ample time to prepare for our departure.

The drive to town was fairly quick. Parking at Queen's Hospital was a nightmare, though. We finally found parking on the top floor of the parking structure. The walk to the main building was fairly long. The hospital is a huge maze of hallways and wings. We went through the whole process of waiting in the admissions area, completing the paperwork, and finding our way to Cardiac Wing where the ultrasound tests are performed. I stayed with moms throughout the whole process, even sitting in the waiting room.

A lot of thoughts passed through my mind as I sat with moms and while I watched the technician perform the ultrasound tests. Mostly, I seemed to be in denial. Moms will be fine, I kept telling myself. The ultrasound tests were to check the arteries running along moms' neck. The technician told moms that everything looked good. I was thankful to hear that. However, on Saturday, moms will have a MRI brain scan done. That's going to be critical because that's where the hemorrhaging is located. I already know that any kind of major surgery will be very taxing for moms. Thus, I am praying that nothing is wrong. Yet, I know that any kind of internal bleeding is not a good sign. I could sense that moms was worried. All I could do was be there with moms during these trying times. And, I will do the same when moms goes in for the MRI.

The ultrasound tests took about 30 minutes. Moms and I were on our way back to Hawai'i Kai by 3:10pm. We arrived 20 minutes later. I did not stay long because moms was fatigued. Moms always take a nap after lunch, but she had to postpone the nap until we returned. Before leaving, I cautioned moms to call for the ambulance if there she experienced any more sharp head pains or the "dizzy head."

I drove back to Slob Manor (read: rental housing) and parked my truck out on the side street. I chatted with Jay, one of the housemates, for a while. Then, I sat in my squalid and composed the "blog" on my notebook computer. At one point, I completely broke down and began sobbing. I was becoming extremely melancholy. So, I forced myself to make the trip to Kahala Mall. I wandered around the mall aimlessly as usual. However, the distractions of consumerism helped lift my spirits. I ended up at my safe haven, Barnes & Noble®, to no surprise. I purchased a cup of decaffeinated coffee as my treat for the evening. The hot coffee had a soothing effect.

I made the mistake of staying an hour longer. My choices are limited with the new bus schedule. The bus arrived 20 minutes late. By then, the rain had started coming down fiercely. I was perturbed, but there was little that could be done to alleviate the situation. Once back in Slob Manor, I settled into the same ol' shit. I just hope that moms is sleeping well tonight.

Stir Crazy Redux

Another downpour commenced late last night. The rain continued on until this morning. I debated about whether I should drive my truck to town. The rain miraculously cleared up at 8:45am. I decided to risk the ride to town on the bus. So, I departed at 9:15am.

On the way to town, the bus passed through areas of heavy rain. I began to regret my decision. However, once in town, I noticed that I had just missed the big rain. I followed my usual homeless guy itinerary with brunch courtesy Safeway®. I had a lot of time on my hands since I had left unusually early and the library was closed. I piddled around the catacombs of Kukui Plaza. Then, I walked to the gym at noon, eagerly anticipating the sight of the hottie gym trainer.

Sure enough, the hottie gym trainer was busy working with a gym member in the weight room. I saw baby immediately as I descended the steps into the "dungeon." Baby was looking hot. After I changed into my gym clothes, I headed straight to the triceps machine. The hottie gym trainer was now working with the same gym member just a few feet away. I could barely concentrate. A few minutes later, they moved to a different section of the gym. After I completed my short triceps workout, I sashayed over to the biceps machine. The hottie gym trainer was working with the same gym member a few feet behind me. A couple of minutes later, I noticed that baby was standing just inches away from me as she chatted with another gym member. I could sense baby's aura. I could see all of baby's firm centerfold-quality body. My hands were starting to shake. I had to grip the handles of the biceps machine to keep myself from losing control. Baby was standing there for almost five minutes. I nearly passed out because of a sudden testosterone surge.

During my cardio workout, I saw baby working with yet another gym member. Then, baby disappeared. On my way out, I saw baby working with yet another gym member. A busy day for baby. After I had exited the gym, I could not prevent intrusive thoughts about the hottie gym trainer for the rest of the day. Even with the incredible monastic conviction that I possess, I was too easily mesmerized by baby. Well, at least the weather had changed for the better by that time. The sun was shining, and there was no sign of rain.

The bus ride back to Slob Manor (read: rental housing) was extremely annoying. The bus was crowded. The back section was filled with either Micronesians or Marshall Islanders and their kids. The kids and parents were both behaving badly. The fat ho' sitting next to me with her kids were extremely annoying. Then, the ho' opened her mouth to talk. Her breath was so bad, I almost passed out. I got up and found a seat in the front of the bus. Fortunately, I had to transfer to another bus in Kaimuki.

The weather was beautiful when I alighted at the bus stop across the street from Slob Manor at 3pm. I piddled around in my squalid room after chatting briefly with housemates Tobin and Pete. At 4:45pm, the rain came back with a vengeance. Once again, I was going stir crazy by 7pm. Off I went to Kahala Mall. Eventually, I ended up at my safe haven, Barnes & Noble®. The new bus schedule does not allow too much time flexibility, so I was back in Slob Manor before 9pm to enjoy more of the same ol' shit.

Moms had called and left a message early this morning. Moms wanted to know whether I could give her a ride tomorrow after noon to Queen's Hospital. I am now becoming even more concerned about moms' health. I assumed that moms would be going in for more tests. I pray that nothing serious will be found.

I happened to check my mail at the Post Office. I received a letter from the Association of Apartment Owners of the Aloha Surf Hotel. The maintenance fee is going up again, this time by 16 percent. That's another $25 per month over the $10 monthly hike last year. The dump is gradually draining me of my assets. However, I vowed that I will not return to wage slavery just to keep the dump. I will default on the mortgage first.