Happy Old Year!

With no other possible early destination, I ended up at Kahala Mall at 8am this morning after a quiet bus ride. I settled in with a cup of coffee at the Barnes & Noble® Café when it opened at 9am. The coffee prices have gone up yet again. I perused a few Linux magazines to pass the time. I can't say that I was significantly enthused.

At 10:45am, I rode the bus to town. After performing my usual workout at the gym, I ended up at Ala Moana Center. Yes, I decided to take the circuitous route back to Slob Manor (read: rental housing). I was not in the mood to ride a Route 1 bus full of senior citizens and Micronesians.

When I arrived at Slob Manor at 3pm, I noticed a strange van parked outside in the driveway. Apparently, the Indian guy was still moving stuff out. The Iraqi guy and his limerant object were nowhere in sight. The Indian guy completed his task at 4:30pm. Just after the Indian guy departed, Joseph and his limerant object returned. How coincidental is that? Subsequently, I could hear them upstairs moving things around, no doubt arranging their "love nest." The entire second floor and most of the downstairs kitchen are now controlled by Joseph and his limerant object. Not bad for a grand total of $700 per month (i.e., just the limerant object's rent). To celebrate, Joseph cooked an extravagent seven-course meal for both himself and his limerant object. Out with the old, in with the new.

Typical "In With the New" Hottie

With the remaining minutes of the year ticking down rapidly, there's not much left to discuss. I suppose that I should revert to a computer discussion. After all, my computers are the center of my life, eh? After over three years of using Linux-based operating systems (i.e., Ubuntu and MeeGo®), I still have mixed feelings about the experience. And, I have no idea why I purchased the Acer® Aspire One netbook. I should have just waited until I needed to replace my Toshiba® Satellite notebook. Then, I could have purchased a small higher performance notebook computer instead. What was I thinking? Oh well. That's all "water under the bridge" now.

So, the entire year has passed, and I am no better off than I was a a year ago. Absolutely nothing has changed. I still reside in a miserable filthy dump. I have even more useless possessions than I did a year ago. My entire life savings has dwindled significantly. However, I am still an emancipated wage slave. Yeah, that's probably worth more than anything else. Have a safe and happy old year!

Out With a Whimper

At the library this morning, I ran into Ann. She said that she was hoping to find me in order to share the good news. Ann is returning to wage slavery on Monday. Ann was relieved because she only had three weeks of unemployment benefits remaining. After that, Ann will not qualify for any kind of extension. So, I was happy for her in my own limited way. Otherwise, the rest of the day was mundane.

Back at Slob Manor (read: rental housing), the Indian guy finally came by to move all of his stuff out of the dump. The Iraqi guy and his limerant object were hiding in his room throughout the ordeal. They were most likely elated when the dust settled. With the Indian guy now officially out, what will happen next?

Rachel Roxxx I continue to wind down the year with a whimper. The evening consisted of downloading myriad hurdy-gurdy videos for my vast collection. All the while I listened to various Deep House Cat mixes. We're back up to 132 hurdy-gurdy titles. Remember when the collection had over 400 titles? Why did I divest them? Incidentally, Rachel Roxxx is one of my all-time favorite hurdy-gurdy stars. Alas, one more day of banality left in the year.

Next Stop: Nowhere

Another visit to Hawai'i Kai went well. Moms and I ate lunch at Zippy's. Later, moms served Welcome® vanilla ice cream for dessert. The rest of the day? The urban nomad fulfilled his usual benign functions and followed his routine itinerary as planned.

I suffered from moderate bouts of anxiety throughout the day. I could not isolate any reason for the anxiety. It is purely subconscious. I haven't been doing any deep thinking, not that my thoughts are deep to begin with. So, I cannot help but wonder if there is some unknown crisis ahead.

Well, only a couple of days left in the year, and I am suffering from a poverty of words. Perhaps I have taken my goal of brevity too seriously. Needless to say, I am not going to be composing any list of "resolutions" for the upcoming year. Why make promises that I cannot keep? Why bother since a year is an artificial time container?

One Minute to Zero (Reprise)

Same ol' shit. Details not necessary. The year is winding down rapidly, and I still have nothing to say for myself. I perused the "blog" of a year ago to inspire myself for the upcoming few days. That's a laugh, isn't it? I also discovered that I did not go the gym on New Year's Day, even though it was apparently open. Yes, I noted that the gym will be open on this New Year's Day and even asked Kelly, the hottie front desk babe. She confirmed the upcoming holiday schedule and confirmed that the gym was definitely open last New Year's Day. She had been there at 6am to unlock the doors. I had evidently wasted the whole day at Kahala Mall.

At the library, I am currently revisiting my research into ancient civilizations. The latter is a topic that really interests me, but it causes a lot of anxiety as well. About 75 percent of the world's population places its faith in the Yahweh Triad (i.e., Judaism, Pauline-Christianity, and Islam). If they are correct, then humans have only been around for about 6,000 years. History doesn't even go that far back. Neither do any of our known world civilizations. Going further back only produces a few stone tools and fragments of monkey-like skeletons. On that basis, scientists and evolutionists believe that humans have been around for a long time in one form or another, beginning with the classic "howling barbarians."

Even then, the most current view is that behaviorally- and physically-modern humans have been around for about 100,000 years. If that is the case, then human civilization probably existed far longer than the known civilizations that date back maybe 5,000 years or so. Even then, Egyptian, Babylonian, and Sumerian societies exhibited far more sophistication in astronomy and engineering than can be explained by their allegedly short life-spans. For some reason, "mainstream pseudo-science absolutely refuses to entertain the idea that human civilization existed prior to the known ones. The advanced Egyptian and Sumerians just seemed to appear out of nowhere intact. Before that, only scattered and isolated primitive tribes barely scraped by. That makes absolutely no sense.

Ancient mythology and religions seem to feature unified themes that were only slightly muddled upon a possible forced population dispersion. In great dispute, of course, is an alleged global cataclysm that occurred around 12,500 years ago. The latter is often depicted as some kind of great flood. However, the flood may have been the result of the unknown cataclysm itself. And, only a global cataclysm would have caused a severe reduction and displacement of human populations.

Religious themes were terribly preoccupied with the immortality of the soul. Yet, over the thousands of years of human history, there can only be bewilderment that no one seemed to figure out that immortality was unattainable. All of the ritual and incantations, all of the inscriptions and writings, all of the huge stone that were quarried, shaped, moved, and stacked into megalithic monuments ... why? Extremely precise astronomy was used to align the monuments. Unbelievable feats of engineering were incorporated to construct the megaliths. Yet, after a couple of generations, no one could figure out that the effort was for nothing. Something is a amiss.

That's where we left off. We also covered a bit of cosmology. So, the entire year was not so "hollow." Well, I did happen to download a lot of great hurdy-gurdy videos for my vast collection all year. Anyway, I am not so much concerned about modern times. We are heading rapidly to our own self-destruction. instead, I want to continue to focus on the deep past. Perhaps I will develop my own thesis about what happened 12,000 years ago and beyond as well the implications upon history itself.

Post No. 1,702

"The only way to ameliorate an unacceptable reality is to first acknowledge its existence. In other words, one cannot change a condition that one fails (or refuses) to recognize." -- Larry Pinkney

Another visit to Hawai'i Kai went well. Moms and I ate lunch at Panda Express®. Later, moms served Welcome® vanilla ice cream for dessert. My bro arrived at about 2pm, just about the time I usually depart for the gym. We chatted briefly. My bro described an incident that resulted in a shouting match with one of the neighbors. The rest of the day? The urban nomad fulfilled his usual benign functions and followed his routine itinerary as planned.

By the way, I was a little groggy this morning, thanks to another party at the Chinaman house next door. The faggots were carrying on until 5am this morning, complete with drunken foolishness and horrendous singing in cacophonous Chinkspeak. As of the last couple of weeks, though, I have resorted to deploying Flents® foam ear plugs, the best of its kind. So, the noise didn't really bother me that much. I also always keep the AOSafety® Stow-A-Way® earmuffs handy for total noise suppression, if necessary.

Well, as the year draws to a close, I find myself looking back at the sheer meaninglessness of it all. I perused a few random posts from the "blog" of the past year. I find myself in shock that my life can be summarized in a handful of hollow words. And, "hollow" is pretty much an accurate description of the whole of my existence. Unlike the year before, when I made tremendous headway in research on a variety of topics, this year is marked by nothing of significance. I suppose I could rationalize the year of nothing as a time to digest all of the findings of my prior research. Heck, that sounds good to me. Much better than summarizing it all as "chokin' da chicken." Sheesh!

Secret Agent Man (Reprise)

Well, I thought that I would enjoy the usual Sunday urban nomad trek, that is, until I arrived at Ala Moana Center. All of the stores apparently opened at 8am or earlier this morning. The whole place was already mobbed with satanic gargoyles when I got there at 8:40am. The fools were spending money like there's no tomorrow. Just a day after Saturnalia, can you believe it? At least I managed to return the blank DVD to Longs® for a refund. The rest of the day? Same ol' shit.

Back at Slob Manor (read: rental housing), I had a long chat with the landlord this afternoon. The most interesting part of the conversation concerned the reason why the temporary tenant moved out so abruptly, She was supposed to stay for about two months while waiting for the unit in the landlord's son's four-plex to be readied. The temporary tenant only offered that she was moving in with a friend in Kailua. The landlord eventually found out the truth from her son. It turns out that Joseph, the Iraqi guy, was trying real hard to hook up with the temporary tenant. That's right. Joseph was attempting to "tap dat ass" (read: "score"). "I can't rent the room to a woman with [Joseph] here," the landlord told me. Well, yeah, unless the landlord is aching to become an accessory to Joseph in a sexual harassment lawsuit.

Joseph, the Iraqi guy, is a major concern since he pays little, if any, rent. The landlord gave him the opportunity to work at the nursery as barter for his rent. However, Joseph just isn't interested. He makes excuses after two hours and leaves. Or, he just doesn't show up. If he's actually at work, he moves extremely slow. Joseph would rather hang out at Slob Manor. And, now, we know the reason why ... he wanted to "score." The landlord also heard something about Joseph's "political asylum" status, just as I suspected. She has finally realized that Joseph is far more cunning than previously thought. After all, the Iraqi guy is a secret agent man. Sheesh!

I am not certain why, but the landlord went into more details about her financial situation than I would consider prudent. She mentioned that she gave the proceeds from the sale of the house in Hawai'i Kai to her son. Her son is using the money to fund his solar panel installation business and also for the construction of his new four-plex house near downtown. The nursery is not doing too well ever since new housing construction bottomed out. Slob Manor itself has two mortgages. The landlord's husband works at the water treatment plant near Sandy Beach, so he has a steady income. Yet, the implication seems to be that money is tight. Obviously, subsidizing Joseph's grand life-style is costing the landlord about $800 per month. The obvious solution is to give Joseph his "walking papers" and find a reliable tenant to take his place.

Incidentally, I have not responded to the cheesy bid for my "condotel" unit yet. Here's what Urban Coyote suggested:

Cry yourself to sleep for a night or two until you can answer this question: "How big a loss can I tolerate?" When you have the answer, give a COUNTER OFFER that would result in that loss.

Maybe the asshole who is trying to steal it likes it enough to be reasonable about this ....

Actually, that was my immediate reaction sans the crying. At this point in time, I am willing to take a $25,000 loss. That's not exactly chump change, but I had already planned to lose some money when I purchased the dump. Of course, at the time, I had intended to be an "owner occupant." All of the messy details are recorded in the "blog."

On a disturbing note, I received a recall notice for my Nissan® Frontier truck. The issue appears to be a minor one involving the replacement of the Engine Control Module. I also received a letter that increases the truck's warranty by two years only for the fuel gauge sender. I have had only one incident when the fuel gauge did not read correctly. Provided that the labor costs are covered, I plan to replace the sender. Oh, the joys of "ownership"!

Late Note: I submitted my application to test the new Google Chrome CR-48 netbook. The device is meant for total "cloud computing," a concept that somehow bothers me. So, we'll see what happens next, eh?

Saturnalia 2010

Untrue to my word, I ended up at Kahala Mall this morning at 8:30am. I carried my Acer® Aspire One netbook computer with me, but the latter was not deployed. Coffee was courtesy Zippy's. I sipped the coffee in the mall. After completion, I rode the bus to town specifically to retrieve my mail. An old loser in the back of the bus was dropping back a bottle of cheap hard liquor and a bottle of cheap wine simultaneously. Subsequently, I rode a very crowded bus back to the mall. Half of the passengers were Micronesians. The other half were senior citizens.

Typical Saturnalia Hottie

I procured a second cup of coffee at Mickey Dee's®. Then, I loitered in the mall until 2:30pm. I also happened to purchase one blank DVD at Longs®. By the way, Longs® was pretty crowded. How much money do those fools really have? I purchased the DVD in anticipation of copying the Linux Mint Debian Edition (LMDE) ISO to it.

I reluctantly returned to Slob Manor (read: rental housing). I noticed that Joseph, the Iraqi guy, has occupied the vacant room downstairs again. He also moved all of his refrigerated food back downstairs. So, he and his limerant object now have the entire fridge upstairs and one-third of the fridge downstairs in the kitchen filled with their food. The iraqi guy's limerant object also has the whole second floor to herself and her mangy mutt. Are they livin' large, or what?

What did I do for dinner? Did I have to venture into Waikiki? No, I planned ahead. Yesterday, I purchased half-a-pound of ahi poke at Foodland. So, for dinner, I made an ahi poke salad. I also dropped back three bottles of cheap brewskis as "appetizers." Sheesh!

Well, I discovered quite by accident that LMDE, just like most other Linux "distros," is plagued by the aggressive head parking (i.e., load cycle) problem. So, I won't need the blank DVD after all. Unbelievable as it may seem, only MeeGo® appears to have solved the problem. In fact, MeeGo® is a pretty good operating system, despite its cartoon-ish user interface. MeeGo® boots up in about 15 seconds. All of the applications load significantly faster than in other "distros," even though MeeGo® uses the Gnome® framework. MeeGo® is very stable. Power management and wireless networking work flawlessly.

On a side note, I received a ridiculously low bid for the "condotel" unit. While I am tempted to divest the dump immediately, I cannot fathom a $76,000 loss. I also received a notice that the "condotel" maintenance fee will be reduced next year. Will wonders never cease?

Eve of Saturnalia 2010

Another visit to Hawai'i Kai went well. Moms and I ate lunch at Zippy's. My bro and his family were home, so I cut my visit short. The rest of the day? The urban nomad fulfilled his usual benign functions and followed his routine itinerary as planned.

Back at Slob Manor (read: rental housing), no one was around. Alan has been gone for three days now. Neither the Iraqi guy or his limerant object were to be seen. The temporary tenant had apparently moved out sometime during the day. I was all by myself for once. And, in a way, I felt the chilling effects of loneliness.

Well, the landlord returned to host a dinner party at about 6:30pm. And, I assume that the Iraqi guy and his limerant object were moving furniture around upstairs at 7pm. I should have known better. The Iraqi guy and his limerant object have nowhere to go, no one to visit, and nothing to do. So, my solitude and loneliness were extremely short-lived.

As of yesterday, I observed that my Nissan® Frontier truck is the only vehicle that is parked in the Slob Manor dirt pile. The landlord has made provisions for all of the vehicles (except mine) to be parked on the concrete driveway. The Iraqi guy and his limerant object have the choicest spots. Oddly, the Indian guy has paid up his overdue rent, but the landlord has packed up many of his things for him and given away his parking spot. Technically, the Indian guy is still a tenant until the end of the month. He is being treated with even less respect than I am.

Although the new version of Linux Mint Debian Edition (LMDE) was released today, I opted to download the ISO for Ubuntu "Maverick Meerkat." The reason? The LMDE ISO is so large that it requires a blank DVD. I gave away all of my blank DVDs. I could opt for the regular Ubuntu-based version of Linux Mint, but why bother?

Incidentally, switching to a Debian-based distribution will not prevent another package manager problem since both Linux Mint and Ubuntu use the Debian package management system (i.e., dpkg, apt, aptitude). I could run into the same problem again.

Well, that's my Eve of Saturnalia story. How pathetic, eh? The rest of the evening will be spent perusing the various hurdy-gurdy sites in order to find more great hurdy-gurdy videos to add to my vast collection. Now, that's something to celebrate!

Empire of Delusion

Not a whole lot happens in the ol' lavahead's current life scheme. He follows the same routine day after day, week after week, year after year. The only interruptions are usually incidents of grief or stupidity, such as the on-going computer problems. Being poverty-stricken only allows him to experience life from a derelict's point of view.

We're heading into the Saturnalia weekend. I read last year's "blog" to make note of what I should not do. A worthless trip to Kahala Mall is obviously out of the question. I already know that Safeway® in Kuapa Kai is the only place in the immediate locale that will be open (for a limited number of hours). I may have to venture into Waikiki because I know for certain that all of the stores and food joints will be open there. Otherwise, where will I procure my dinner?

The entire empire will be celebrating a Pauline-Christian farce on Saturday. Everywhere I've been, I have noticed the proliferation of Pauline-Christian and pagan decorations for a holiday that actually worships the Sun God. Nonetheless, I am dumbstruck by the absence of a secular state. Even government offices have been decorated to reflect a religious holiday. And, the offices will be closed during the actual holiday. What happened to separation of church and state? There never was a separation, that's what. Take a look at the empire's fiat money. Look at the Unholy Scriptures which is used in a variety of legal and political theatrics. Sickening. And, what of the empire's wars? Are they not Holy Wars?

The empire is a scary place. Anyone outside of the empire should be thankful. The majority of the empire's citizenry is goosestepping to the Fascist beat. My powers of observation have keenly noted that the cattle have already been branded. They are now the equivalent of the loyal citizens of Nazi Germany. The only difference is that, in the empire, money is Der Führer. Sieg Heil!

Even More Computer Woes

Yet another uneventful day has been crossed off the calendar. If anything could be construed as memorable, that would be the restoration of my extreme monk haircut at the Institute of Hair Design this afternoon. In my incongruent state, not much is memorable. I returned to Slob Manor (read: rental housing) about 30 minutes earlier than usual after an extremely grueling bus ride from town. Naturally, I locked myself in my squalid room.

The Ubuntu "Karmic Koala" package manager apparently "hosed" itself sometime within the last two days. My Toshiba® Satellite notebook computer is still functional. However, I can no longer update the system. And, I can neither add or remove applications. I attempted a repair by applying a few commands in the terminal with absolutely no success. Does it matter? "Karmic Koala" is only supported for another four months anyway.

Well, since I will have to install a whole new operating system (i.e., fresh install), I have been contemplating Linux Mint Debian Edition (LMDE), which is fully Debian compatible (unlike Ubuntu). LMDE dispenses with frivolities like the buggy Plymouth splash screen and all of the integrated social aggregation junk. It is also a "rolling release," so it's a one-time install. Heck, I may attempt to run it "live" on my Acer® Aspire One netbook computer.

On second thought, I may just leave well enough alone. Fiddling around with the computer is just another vapid waste of time. And, wasting time just increases incongruence. Sheesh!

Incongruence Reigns Supreme

Same ol' shit. Fortunately, the bad weather had come to pass. The library yielded more of my current reading list disappearing. The crap was boring anyway. Nothing new at the gym either. Pretty sad, I'd say. Pathetically, I returned to Slob Manor (read: rental housing) and locked myself in my squalid room. End of story.

Incongruence reigns supreme. I contemplated which of my useless possessions is most valuable to me. The answer? My vast hurdy-gurdy video collection, of course! Everything else (including my Nissan® Frontier truck and the detestable "condotel" unit) is crap. Heck, I have decided to increase the size of my vast hurdy-gurdy collection. My Seagate® FreeAgent Go® portable hard drive has a huge capacity. Why not fill it up?

I have been experiencing a few anxiety attacks, off and on, daily. I am beginning to get used to them. I am almost certain that anxiety increases in old age. After all, senior citizens have a lot to be anxious about. Everything falls apart. The mind. The body. There's nothing more disconcerting than watching oneself disintegrate into a withered old fool. Worst of all, no one in the younger generations really cares about the old timers. We're a nuisance. We just get in the way.

With that in mind, I have estimated that I have only about three or four good years to survive in homelessness. If I want to join the ranks of the homeless, I need to do so right now. I have seen a few homeless senior citizens (i.e., my age and up). Most of them are not looking too good. Many of them appear to be suffering from chronic physical problems. The ones who look fine are most likely clinically insane.

Homeless or not, most people are caught up in nauseating routines. I surmise that they have no idea about how trapped they are. Perhaps that is another source of my anxieties. I know that I am trapped. I follow a routine, just like most of the other trapped animals. Even the wage slaves who believe they are above the fray are locked in ridiculous mind-numbing routines. Incongruence reigns supreme.

My last incongruent thought is about the proliferation of social aggregation and "cloud" applications that are now on all computers including those using Linux. Sickening. Many of the programs have been been so integrated into the operating system that they cannot be removed. Or, if removed, there are still residual traces. That's why Ubuntu Linux on my Toshiba® Satellite notebook computer looks somewhat hacked. Then, there's MeeGo®. The entire operating system has been designed around social aggregation. Perhaps I should develop my own Ubuntu fork called "Hurdy-Gurdy Linux." It will have a Web browser, multiple media players with all available codecs, a good bit torrent client, and a download accelerator. That's it. Its sole purpose is to acquire and play hurdy-gurdy videos. Baha! Ha! Ha! Haaaaa! Incongruence reigns supreme.

Incongruence, I Knew Ye Well

Another visit to Hawai'i Kai went well. Moms and I ate lunch at Panda Express®. Later, moms served Welcome® vanilla ice cream for dessert. The rest of the day? The urban nomad fulfilled his usual benign functions and followed his routine itinerary as planned.

Well, the day wasn't exactly smooth. The terror of being in the middle of Saturnalia shopping madness is easily understated. The crowds, the morons, the mental midgets. The worst incident was after moms and I had just completed our usual excursion around Hawai'i Kai. I had turned onto the exit from Koko Marina with my Nissan® Frontier truck. A moron in a big-ass white truck was speeding at about 30mph in the parking lot. I could see him in my rearview mirror. He literally flew over three sets of speed bumps. He pulled up right behind me, honking his horn, and yelling, "I have the fucking right of way!" I slowed down even more. He edged by me on the right, but was forced to stop at the traffic light. The idiot was still yelling. I hopped out the truck and confronted the fool. I politely told him, "You fucking idiot! This is a fucking parking lot and the speed limit is 5mph." My initial reaction would have been to grab him through his open window, but I refrained from doing so. Anyone thinking that I am too cowardly to actually perform such a stunt should know that I have done so many times when I was a less restrained monk. He was babbling some other crap to me. I calmly responded, "Who the fuck do you think you are? Get the fuck outta here, you dumb fuck!" Sadly, moms was privy to witness the spectacle. However, moms did not have her hearing aid deployed, so she missed the gist of the conversation. In all honesty, the ol' lavahead is a scary guy when he is pushed to his limit.

My bro returned home early. I ended up chatting with him. He was planning out his strategy to put a subwoofer in his truck. He had the documentation on his computer. Unfortunately, the computer was extremely sluggish, a notorious attribute of a certain operating system. I suggested that he run the "system restore" procedure since I am intimately acquainted with Toshiba® Satellite notebook computers. We ran into all kind of problems from a password-locked BIOS to missing "system restore" CDs. We attempted to "flash" the BIOS with a new version in an attempt to circumvent a lost password. The procedure seemed to be taking forever, so I opted to go to the gym and shop for groceries. Mind you, the time was already 5pm. The gym was crowded. I did a short cardio workout, took a shower, and did my shopping. I checked on my bro at 6pm. As I had suspected, the attempt to "flash" the BIOS had failed. I suggested that Linux be installed, but I doubt that my bro is ready for that. He's already planning for an Apple® replacement. I finally departed at 7pm, which made my arrival back at Slob Manor (read: rental housing) quite late. Once in my squalid room, I locked myself in for the night.

The dickhead whom I encountered ealier in the day had made me so angry that I feared that I was going to maim him and/or suffer a cardio event. In my eyes, he will remain a walking corpse. We have unfinished business. The only positive (term used loosely) outcome was that I was further pushed into the uncharted realm of incongruence. Alas, incongruence, I knew ye well.

Incongruence

The rainy day caused all kinds of problems. There were spot power outages everywhere. Although the rain did not appear to be significant, there were many flooded areas in town. The Route 55 bus driver told me that he had just been through a flash flood along the Northern part of the island. I rode his bus from downtown to Ala Moana Center this afternoon.

Returning to Slob Manor (read: rental housing) was a nightmare. The 2pm Route 23 bus never arrived. I had just purchased a local-style bento from Foodland, so I reluctantly ate the dinner while I waited for the next bus. Overall, I spent two hours at the maddening shopping center. In that time, I also inhaled the equivalent of two or three cigarettes, what with all of the moronic smokers everywhere. Of course, after battling the rain all day, I finally set foot in the dump only to see the sky clear up about two minutes later.

Well, I over-caffeinated myself by consuming two cups of coffee this morning. I felt that I had an excuse because of the rain. I eventually had to calm my nerves by self-prescribing two dosages of "elixir" (read: brewskis). No anxiety attacks, though. Yet, I am not at all certain about my mind. Am I slowly going insane? Is that what is really happening?

As an example, I found myself downloading a text version of the Lubuntu installer the other night. For some strange reason, I was compelled to do so. I wanted to replace MeeGo® on my Acer® Aspire One netbook computer. Why? I tried Peppermint, an Lubuntu fork, with extremely disappointing results. Am I experiencing "netbook shame"? By the way, "netbook shame" is similar to "cell phone shame.” Anyway, MeeGo®, aside from its cartoon-ish interface, is quite responsive. It also has very stable power management and networking. So, why not leave well enough alone?

Sometimes "well enough" is not good enough. My pathetic existence at Slob Manor would be the best example. Unfortunately, the situation is out of my control. I am dealing with moronic citizens of empire, essentially brain donors. Mental midgets. Nearly the entire empire consists of such fools. Where am I going to flee? There's no escape.

Ultimately, I believe that the issue of mortality has been the common thread. I have had to reevaluate everything. When I say "everything," I mean everything. No stone unturned. I have essentially wasted my entire life in the pursuit of nothing, and I continue to waste more time unabated. I am not certain about what I could do anyway. The human animal has never experienced true enlightenment no matter what anyone says. In the millenia covering history, humans seem to have gone backwards. We're heading back into the "Dark Ages." I recognized the symptoms clearly when I observed the myriad fools engaged in rabid Saturnalia shopping. Why are they celebrating a pagan holiday disguised as a Pauline-Christian one? Why do they still even observe the ridiculous Pauline-Christian hoax?

I must admit, though, that I have been distracted by a few abstractions. For example, I have been wondering what it was like to be a human several thousand years ago? What if I had been born then? There's no particular reason why I am here now. What was the human experience like before history? The questions just burn and fester in my mind.

As I am not an "Alpha" male, I probably would have been thinned from the herd (refer to the "blog" of November 5th). I previously thought that I possessed "Alpha" characteristics, but I now know better. The key, of course, is that "Alpha" characteristics attracts babes. That's the only true determinant. Don't believe any of prevailing psycho-babble. Since I attract no babes, I have no "Alpha" characteristics. That's why I have wasted away into obscurity. Heck, I have been thinned from the herd!

Perhaps I am entering the final stages of the "disconnection." The requisite step appears to be the engagement of complete derealization. Hence, the prevalence of incongruence. Is the exodus finally upon us? Who knows? Who cares?

Post No. 1,693

Nada. Nothing new to report. Same ol' shit, although I experienced a few anxiety attacks throughout the day. I did not resort to the use of the "elixir" (read: brewskis) to calm my nerves. The highlight of the day was an early dinner at Subway® along Fort Street Mall. I returned rather late (circa 6pm) to an extremely quiet Slob Manor (read: rental housing). I immediately locked myself in my squalid room.

I have not been able to ascertain the direct cause of the anxiety attacks. There are probably multiple issues, most of which I have discussed at one time or another in the "blog." Dwelling on the anxiety attacks only triggers more anxiety attacks. I am better off treating each anxiety attack as a unique case.

A brief power failure of about 2 seconds left the cable Net access disabled for 30 minutes, if you can believe it. Alas, by the time I was able to get back on-line, I was too fatigued to compose the "blog." So, I'll end it at that.

Higher Anxiety

Another visit to Hawai'i Kai went well. Moms and I ate lunch at Yummy's Korean BBQ. Later, moms served Welcome® vanilla ice cream for dessert. The rest of the day? The urban nomad fulfilled his usual benign functions and followed his routine itinerary as planned.

While at the gym, I began experiencing an unusual tenseness. Immediately, I recognized that anxiety was at play. I became quite unsettled. I also observed that my heart rate was accelerated, but I was not exerting myself in any way. Even after I exited the gym, I felt anxious. Whether I chose to believe it or not at the time, I was having an anxiety attack.

I couldn't even sit still on one of the benches overlooking the Koko Marina parking lot. I could see myself fidgeting. So, rather than purchase any groceries at Foodland, I opted for a 12-pack of Speights® brewskis (on sale for $11). Well, that's better than my original idea of purchasing several 40-dogs of cheap malt liquor. In any case, the original plan was to find something bulky to fill my allocated fridge shelf at Slob Manor (read: rental housing). Yes, the new tenant just cannot seem to grasp the concept of allocated shelves.

Well, long story short, I attempted to "kill two birds with one stone." I was able to stuff the 12-pack onto my allocated fridge shelf. I had to compact everything else into the remaining area. Now, it's packed solid. I dropped back only two bottles of the "elixir." Lo and behold, my anxiety attacks abated. Frankly, I did not want to resort to taking tranquilizers or anxiolytics. Even cheap booze is a better option. Sheesh!

M Theory Boondoggle

At the library, I completed reading, "The Grand Design," by Stephen Hawking and Leonard Mlodinow in one sitting. Otherwise, I have been reading a number of books, some of which have been checked out by other patrons before completion. Anyway, the premise of the book is to introduce M Theory, which apparently replaces String Theory.

Typical M Theory Hottie

In a nutshell, M Theory is based on eleven dimensions as opposed to ten in String Theory. There are also "no boundaries." The concept is loosely related to Quantum Physics. At the time of the "Big Bang," the universe was the size of a quantum particle. Hence, the laws of Quantum Physics could apply to the entire universe at that moment. For example, Heisenberg's Uncertainty principle can be extrapolated to apply to the quantum-sized universe. Thus, the existence of the universe, or multiple universes (i.e., "multiverse"), is a function of statistical probabilities. Since no bounds are applied, there can be 10⁵⁰⁰ concurrently existing or sequencing universes, at least according to the calculus of the theory.

From that point forward, M Theory becomes a religion. As Hawking and Mlodinow asserted, the universe "created itself." The seemingly strange idea is posited on time as a dimension, one of eleven in the M Theory model. After the "Big Bang," time and the three spatial dimension became predominant in our universe, and the other eight dimensions went into a kind of remission. Since time was not defined as a predominant dimension prior to the "Big Bang," there is no way to gauge whether the "singularity" existed for eternity or not. Hence, when the universe "created itself," it simply established the four predominant dimensions that became our "reality." We cannot comprehend any other "reality" because its basis may be on other dimensions unknown or imperceptible to us.

Of course, the big question is: How do we create something from nothing? The conundrum is that we do not know what "nothing" is. We do know that, at the fringe of the universe (i.e., the edge of the bubble of space), nothing exists. I would presume that the nothing outside the universe is the same nothing prior to the "Big Bang." What exactly is it? Apparently, it has none of the eleven possible dimensions. And, from where did the "singularity" emerge? How could the "singularity" be "something" when it most likely did not possess any dimensions, nor was it constrained by any physical laws?

Some of the non-existent readership may be wandering why the ol' lavahead keeps venturing into cosmology and quantum physics. After all, I am engineer, not a scientist. Oddly, I am an electronics engineer (EL), a profession devoted to techno-gadgetry. Unlike other engineering disciplines, EL requires a significant background in classical and quantum physics. Without quantum physics, none of the techno-gadgetry would have come about. Nonetheless, I am able to comprehend much of the scientific literature. Of course, an engineering background is also akin to a natural skepticism.

Back at Slob Manor (read: rental housing), a relative peace has overcome the dump. The Iraqi guy and his limerant object have been restricting themselves to the second floor. I am sure that they will be overjoyed once the Indian guy moves out completely. The new tenant has not really been around much. I observed her vehicle in the driveway this morning, although I have no idea when she came in. My sanity has enjoyed a much needed reprieve.

Not a Peep from the Sheep

Last night at Slob Manor (read: rental housing), the new tenant dropped off a few things in her room. She also shoved my stuff aside in the fridge to store a couple of food items. I remained somewhat calm because the fridge was completely full. Thus, I took it upon myself to clear out some of the Indian guy's rotting food in the fridge on the second floor while Joseph and his limerant object looked on sheepishly. I cleared enough space for Joseph, the Iraqi guy, to move his food from the fridge in the kitchen to the fridge upstairs. Then, I literally threw the babe's food items onto one of the now-empty shelves in the fridge.

Nice guy that I am (read: sucker), I opted to accept full responsibility for throwing out the Indian guy's food without his permission. I also disposed of the rotting mess properly and cleaned the associated dishware. I then scribbled a diagram which indicated the assignment of the shelves in the kitchen fridge and affixed the latter to the fridge door. Let's hope that the "confusion" will be rectified as a result.

As for the day, same ol' shit, if you can believe it. Absolutely no details are necessary as absolutely nothing was accomplished. For me, it was both meaningful and meaningless. Being a citizen of empire is oftentimes the epitome of Viktor Frankl's definition of "existential vacuum."

First, Greece. Then, France. Now, Italy. I read with great interest about the recent Italian demonstrations (i.e., riots) after Silvio Berlusconi barely won the vote of confidence by the Chamber of Deputies. I must say that Europeans are a much more passionate people than the citizens of empire. They have no qualms about voicing their displeasure. On the other hand, here in the empire, absolutely nothing fazes the techno-gadget-tranquilized masses. Well, a few of the enslaved morons became riled when groped by the TSA goons at the major airports, but the dissenters were quickly brought back into the fold. Otherwise, not a peep from the sheep.

Muthathar al Zaidi Day 2010

"Last year, we declared December 14th a worldwide holiday to be known as 'Muthathar al Zaidi Day.' The honoree is best known as the shoe-throwing journalist who almost clobbered Shrub at a news conference in Iraq last year. His anger at what the empire did to his country, on false pretenses no less, could not be suppressed. Fortunately, he was polite enough to simply throw a pair of harmless shoes instead of a hand grenade." -- Ol' Lavahead in the "blog" of December 14, 2009

The day? Can you say, "Same ol' shit"? Details? Nada, that is, until I returned to Slob Manor (read: rental housing) this afternoon. I happened to chat with Alan. He told me that Joseph, the Iraqi guy, was forced by the landlord to immediately move upstairs. Indeed, the door to Joseph's room was open and everything had been moved out. Alan then disclosed that a new tenant will be moving in as early as tomorrow. The tenant is a babe and allegedly a friend of the landlord's son. Alan seemed pleased that there will be two babes living in Slob Manor. However, what he doesn't realize is the ramification of the "henhouse" effect when two babes live under the same roof.

A few minutes later, the Indian guy made a rare appearance. He was just starting up a load of laundry when I saw him. I chatted with him for about 20 minutes. Seems that the Indian guy and his babe are getting rather serious. Details are not necessary, but they may be looking at marriage in the near future. The Indian guy will definitely be moving out before the end of the month. He also mentioned a few differences that he encountered with the Iraqi guy's limerant object. And, as I suspected, the limerant object attempted to take full control of the entire second floor.

"Whenever I talked to her, she was always having some kind of problem," the Indian said of the Iraqi guy's limerant object. "Her whole life is filled with problems." He also mentioned the numerous heated arguments that Joseph and his limerant object engaged in. "I feel really sorry for the guy," he told me, referring to Joseph.

Then, I happened to chat with the landlord. She told me that the new tenant will only be staying temporarily (possibly up to two months). The landlord's son owns a few rental properties, and the unit that the babe was supposed to move into is being renovated. As an aside, I asked the landlord about Joseph's future. The landlord did not know. She believes that Joseph will move in with his cousin, if and when the latter returns from Iraq. Joseph also has a few relatives in Arizona, but he does not seem to want to move there. The landlord also mentioned that the utility bills went through the roof after the Iraqi guy and his limerant object moved in. Alas, the ridiculous saga of Slob Manor continues ...

Mental Midgetry

"I don't want to see a bunch of wannabe actors on stage reciting empty platitudes and meaningless rhetoric. I want to see action. Get the empire out of Iraq and Afghanistan. Forget about regime change in Iran. Forget about a confrontation with Russia and China. Stop appeasing Zionist Israel. Cut the crap about al Qaeda. Tell the truth about the 'September 11th' event. Bring the empire's war criminals to the dock in the Hague. Repeal USA-PATRIOT and the Military Commissions Act. Close down the torture camps. The list is endless, but none of the items are 'on the table.' Why?" -- Ol' Lavahead in the "blog" of September 4, 2008

Another visit to Hawai'i Kai went well. Moms and I ate lunch at Panda Express®. Later, moms served Welcome® vanilla ice cream for dessert. The rest of the day? The urban nomad fulfilled his usual benign functions and followed his routine itinerary as planned.

Each and every day, I observe the ignorant populace around me as the empire's government and its puppetmasters (i.e., the moneychangers and powers-that-be) figuratively rape and pillage them. They are, however, too sanctimonious, too self-absorbed, and too arrogant to care. Shopping and spending money is all that they have on their minds. Even the weak and economically disenfranchised suffer from cognitive dissonance.

The wealth transfer from the poor to the rich has been accelerating with no end in sight. The ridiculous wars in Iraq and Afghanistan have been dragged on for over ten years. Ten fucking years! And, all we've gotten out of the deal is massive debt and a burgeoning police state, When WikiLeaks attempted to educate the ignorant masses, some of the fools actually sided with empire. Stockholm Syndrome, you think?

Then, there are the myriad mental midgets who are still asking why Obama betrayed them. Can I get a witness? Sheesh! How long before the morons finally see the "good cop, bad cop" theater that has been playing before their eyes over and over again? Do you see why Sarah Palin will win the next presidential (s)election as I predicted in the "blog" of December 6th last year? Yeah, that should seal the fate of the hapless citizens of empire. Fifty percent unemployment, permanent tax cuts for the rich, the end of Social Security, total police state. Why aren't we all goosestepping to the Fascist beat? Heck, even the AARP® supported the tax cuts. The fucking AARP® sold out! I won't be renewing my membership, that's for sure. The only "benefit" that I receive is the endless promotions to purchase various kinds of AARP®-sponsored insurance. What a fool I was!

Even rational journalists like Chris Hedges have given up. In his last few columns, he has been actively promoting rebellion as the only means left for reformation. This is Hedges at his best:

All energy directed toward reforming political and state structures is useless. All efforts to push through a "progressive" agenda within the corridors of power are naive. Trust in the reformation of our corporate state reflects a failure to recognize that those who govern, including Barack Obama, are as deaf to public demands and suffering as those in the old Communist regimes. We cannot rely on any systems of power, including the pillars of the liberal establishment — the press, liberal religious institutions, universities, labor, culture and the Democratic Party. They have been weakened to the point of anemia or work directly for the corporations that dominate our existence. We can rely now on only ourselves, on each other.

Unfortunately, the masses are not ready. The only time any of the idiots will revolt is when someone takes the very last 50-inch widescreen LCD tube on sale during "Black Friday." Every man for himself. Otherwise, they are too busy staring comatose at their cell phones.

Back at Slob Manor (read: rental housing), I have been ignoring the mental midgetry around me. Locking myself in my squalid room has insulated me from most of the stupidity. However, I did happen to overhear Alan talking with the landlord outside my window the other day. He went off on a tirade about the Indian guy and told the landlord everything about every possible infraction that the Indian guy committed as a tenant. I'm afraid that both Joseph and his limerant object have done the same. Their purpose was quite transparent. By deflecting all of the blame and attention to the Indian guy, they have made their own questionable activities moot. Typical citizens of empire, eh?

Questions for the Soul

Same ol' shit. No details necessary. I was fully functioning all day, thanks to a good night's rest. I can only treasure those rare moments. Sheesh!

The annual marathon event was in full swing when I left this morning. From the bus, I could see thousands of runners going in both directions along Kalani'ana'ole Highway. In some respects, the runners reminded me of a large tribe of chimps. Each of the chimps has a "soul," I thought to myself. The "soul," of course, has a distinctly different meaning for me in comparison to the standard religious mumbo-jumbo. The "soul" is a creature's lifeforce. Yet, as I pondered the existence of so many "souls," a conundrum was formulated. Where does the "soul" originate?

Religions comprising the Yahweh Triad (i.e., Judaism, Pauline-Christianity, and Islam) believe that the "soul" is created by a deity in "Heaven." Because the founders of the Yahweh Triad also believed that the earth was flat, they imagined that "Heaven" was right above them, accessible through seven levels (or steps). We now know that such a model is erroneous. With the huge expanse that comprises the universe, there is pretty much no locale specific to any deity. Thus, the origin of the "soul" is indeterminable.

The "soul" appears out of thin air from nowhere specific. There is no source "above" us. No local source is apparent either, unless the earth is indeed hollow. Obviously, by deduction, the "soul" becomes relevant only when a lifeform comes into existence. Upon termination of the lifeform, the "soul" disappears. Sadly, the implication is that the "soul" is just another function of the brain.

Yet, questions about individual consciousness and identity still remain. What is it about the brain such that it can create the illusion of self-awareness? What makes us conscious and cognizant about our own identity? What presents the illusion that there is a "soul" within us? Why do we intrinsically sense that there is a guiding force behind all lifeforms? Why do our lives feel so real?

Zombie Tidbits

Another sleepless night left me a zombie for the day. Fortunately, I was able to lapse in and out of a coma at the library. Sleep deprivation was courtesy the intrusive noise produced by various Slob Manor (read: rental housing) residents all through the night and early morning. The rest of the day? Same ol' shit.

Later in the afternoon, I was able to chat with the Slob Manor landlord. I have rectified at least one noise problem. The new guy in the attached studio keeps very late hours. He has been coming in at 2am in the morning. Then, he parks his Nissan® Altima right outside my window and arms the ridiculously cheap alarm. The short burst from the vehicle's horn jolts me awake. Who does he think is going to steal that piece of shit? Anyway, the landlord was able to address my concerns.

The landlord also mentioned that the Indian guy has not moved out yet. Say what? He is now in arrears for two months of rent. The landlord showed me the Indian guy's room. Everything is still in there. Bed, bookshelf, books, laundry baskets, aquarium, and a few clothes. Apparently, the Indian guy has been coming and going clandestinely. He even picked up his mail. The landlord has attempted to call him, but he won't answer his cell phone. Strange things.

Typical Wet Winter Hottie

Well, the big storm "petered out." There was some rain yesterday, but not anything approaching a storm. This morning, the sky looked gloomy. However, by noon, any sign of rain was long gone. Although there were predictions for a wet Winter, heavy rain has been a rarity.

Sleepless Tidbits

Another visit to Hawai'i Kai went well. Moms and I ate lunch at Loco Moco. Later, moms served Welcome® vanilla ice cream for dessert. The rest of the day? The urban nomad fulfilled his usual benign functions and followed his routine itinerary as planned.

Incidentally, I did not sleep well at all again last night. I have no idea why. Coffee is definitely not the culprit. And, there were no disturbing noise sources except for the endless traffic on the highway. At several points, I noted that my heart rate was about 120bpm. I was not experiencing any anxiety, but I was wide awake. Strange things.

Yet another useless economic statistic has come to my attention: $450,000 is the average net worth of a citizen of empire, according to the Fed. Did you get that? Compare the latter with the fact introduced in the "blog" of yesterday: the bottom 90 percent of empire only holds about 29 percent of all private net worth. The problem is the use of the word, "average." The proper term should be "arithmetic average," which is essentially a useless number. What we need to see is the median net worth. I can assure you that the figure is far lower than the $450,000 quoted.

Every day brings more literary treasures at the WikiLeaks site. So far, only 1,295 items out of 251,287 total have been released. So, what has happened since the "leaks" commenced? The Guardian UK provided an interesting summary in an article titled, "After 12 days of WikiLeaks cables, the world looks on US with new eyes." Interesting reading.

Expendable Fool

I actually slept close to eight hours last night. I'm not sure how that happened. Unfortunately, I did not heed my body's advice and indulged in my coffee habit this morning. High anxiety did not overcome me. Yet, I could not be more stupid than to ignore a clear warning. Perhaps I just don't care anymore.

Incidentally, I must report that I have seen an incredible number of new faces in the homeless circle. The downtown library is one of the main daytime way stations for the homeless. The homeless have also become quite brazen by establishing small tent communities along the King Street corridor between Honolulu Stadium Park and the Mo'ili'ili branch of the library.

I ran into Ann at the library. She said that there are no jobs on the North Shore, at least not for senior citizens. Her unemployment compensation is due to run out in February of next year. Lori appears to have about two years of financial resources. However, Lori's lifestyle does not seem to be very frugal, so the duration may be less. I don't know what either Lori or Ann will do about their predicaments. Although both of them are survivors, I tend to sense a kind of "eleventh hour" wishful thinking amongst them. In the past, I had the same belief in "eleventh hour" miracles, but I know better now. I was simply fortunate or "lucky." Sooner or later (probably sooner), "luck" will run out.

Well, I am continuing to waste a lot of time, as if I have all the time in the world. If I were to live to be 75 years of age, then I have 6,840 days remaining. That's not a whole lot of time, is it? Yet, I am not motivated to do much else except to waste each precious day following the insane urban nomad routine. At night, there's not much relief from stupidity. I compose the idiotic "blog," read moderate amounts of nonsense on the Net, and add more hurdy-gurdy videos to my massive collection. Inane and insane.

What else can I do? I, too, am running out of money rapidly. I am playing the "waiting game," but I may not be able to last. My resources depend on interest rates rising. I cannot speculate in equities. It's too risky an exposure. Interest rates, however, may not ever rise above zero percent in my lifetime. Only in the case of hyperinflation (i.e., wages and prices) will there be a need to raise interest rates and tighten the money supply. With real unemployment at 20 percent and rising, there will never be a wage inflation problem ever again.

In empire, the top one percent of the population comprises 34 percent of private net worth. The bottom 90 percent (i.e., peon class) only comprises 29 percent of private net worth. Take a close look at those figures. The top ten percent of the population, by inference, holds 71 percent of the empire's wealth. Unemployment, as I stated previously in the "blog," could approach 50 percent with no appreciable effect. The empire will function just fine without the "useless eaters." The bottom 50 percent probably only holds about ten percent of the empire's wealth, if even that. They are essentially expendable. And, I am one of them.

High Anxiety Redux

For the past few days, I have been trying to catch up on my sleep by attempting to lapse in and out of a coma while I am sitting in the peaceful inner courtyard of the library. What I didn't notice until this morning was that I never lapsed in and out of a coma at all. I was fully conscious, only with my eyes closed. I could also literally feel the pangs of anxiety churning in my gut.

Oddly, I was finally able to actually lapse in and out of a coma for about 30 minutes. I recognized the experience because I could hear the older babe (term used loosely) proselytizing some religious mumbo-jumbo to a hapless victim a few tables down from where I was sitting. Her words reverberated in my ears at three times the actual volume (i.e., sound pressure level). When I suddenly came to, I noticed that her voice was back to a normal volume.

At that point, I realized what has been at the root of my sleep deprivation problem for the past few weeks. I am suffering from high anxiety. I had also gotten used to the churning sensation in my gut, attributing the latter to excess acidity from drinking coffee. Well, I am certain that the coffee has exacerbated the symptoms, thereby increasing the anxious feeling. What is the cause of the anxiety? Most likely, everything that I have discussed in the "blog." Subconsciously, my mind must be reviewing that crap over and over again. I suspect that the key issue is my mortality.

Apparently, I was completely ignoring what my body was communicating to me. The anxiety made me both hypersensitive to noise and hypervigilant (almost to the point of clairvoyance) to noise events. What is probably happening is that I am rapidly converging on a life-threatening event. Sadly, I must consider a temporary (or permanent) coffee hiatus. Coffee is doing me no good at this time because it is artificially amplifying the anxiety.

One puzzling aspect of anxiety is how quickly we acclimate to it. After a couple of days, the symptoms are almost unnoticeable, even though there is a major decrease in attention span, a queasy churning in the gut, insomnia, and an almost-subconscious desire to flee. The everyday stressors of empire sublimate anxiety quite well.

Just another day in empire. Same ol' shit. No details are necessary. I'll leave it at that.

Late Post Script. I really didn't want to comment on the latest empire theatrics concerning the tax cut for the rich and paltry unemployment benefits for the poor. However, the empire's peon (read: cattle) class just doesn't seem to get it, that is, they just don't get the "good cop, bad cop" scenario which keeps playing over and over again. Don't even bother with crests and troughs of the endless vacillations in policy. Instead, filter out the "noise" and focus on the long-term moving average. That's right. Figure in the ludicrous financial and healthcare "reforms." The trend is downward. It's all going downhill fast for anyone who is not in the elite class. Barnyard economics. Sheesh!

Post No. 1,682

Another day, another dollar ... short. Oh brother. Nothing out of the ordinary transpired with the exception that I finally met up with Lori after 2.5 years. I had not seen her face-to-face since the month of August over two years ago. And, we live on the same island. Sheesh!

I met Lori at the Makai Market in Ala Moana Center at 3:30pm. We walked around and chatted. Since I knew that I would not arrive back at Slob Manor (read: rental housing) until much later, I decided that finding a place for dinner would be a good idea. We ate at California Pizza Kitchen. The light meal was pretty good. Then, we walked around the mall and chatted until the last Route 23 bus arrived at 7:03pm. I arrived at Slob Manor just before 8pm.

I was able to catch up with most of the missing 2.5 years, at least on a basic level. Ann is, of course, staying with Lori. The situation for Ann doesn't look too good. Jobs are not plentiful on the North Shore. In addition, the status of Ann's unemployment compensation may be in jeopardy as with millions of other unemployed people in empire. Lori, herself, is concerned that she may not be able to return to wage slavery, if necessary. Lori, Ann, and I share the same problem: age discrimination.

Lori briefly summarized what happened with her divorce and the demise of the bike shop business. Since I am only hearing one side of the story, I will refrain from commenting. It's none of my business anyway. Fortunately, I did not sense that Lori was trying to prejudice my opinion, not that I had one to begin with. I also learned that Lori's daughter is married and living in Oregon. I am really starting to feel old.

On a troubled note, Julian Assange of WikiLeaks has been arrested in the UK and is being held in Wandsworth Prison, possibly awaiting extradition to Sweden and, finally, extradition to empire to face "terrorist" charges. The Swedish "rape" allegations were simply a "honey trap." From the [deleted] site:

The financial aristocracy and its political representatives feel an urgent need to impose a stranglehold on the flow of information. They know that the crisis of their economic system and their attempts to impose its full weight on the backs of the working class, both at home and abroad, are creating the conditions for an eruption of class struggles. Depriving such a movement of free information and political perspective is seen as vital by the ruling elite.

This is what makes the launching of an international campaign in defense of WikiLeaks a life-and-death question for working people in every country. Mass protests and movements of solidarity must be organized to demand the immediate release of Julian Assange and Pfc. Bradley Manning and an end to the campaign of intimidation and repression against WikiLeaks.

I must concur. There is very little indication now that Assange was simply a "tool" of "disinformation."

Sleep Disorder Revisited

Another visit to Hawai'i Kai went well. Moms and I ate lunch at Panda Express®. Later, moms served Welcome® vanilla ice cream for dessert. The rest of the day? The urban nomad fulfilled his usual benign functions and followed his routine itinerary as planned.

Well, another sleepless night left me groggy all day. I have, however, noted an an unusual aspect of my alleged sleep disorder. I seemingly wake up just a few minutes before any noise incident occurs. This morning, I woke up at 2am, just before the new dickhead in the attached studio returned to Slob Manor (read: rental housing) and began moving furniture and dropping heavy objects on the floor. As you may recall, the floor of the attached studio is just diagonally above my squalid room. Then, once I am awakened and accosted with noise, I cannot go back to sleep. For some reason, my mind becomes completely active again. I am seemingly locked into some kind of analytical process loop of which there is no forced interrupt option.

So, what exactly has been swirling around in the oversized cranium and keeping the ol' lavahead up all night? Pretty much every topic that is discussed in the "blog," I'd say. Perhaps, after my lengthy diatribe in the "blog" of yesterday, my mind was simply not able to lapse into a proper coma. By the way, there are also many issues that have not yet been discussed in the "blog." Yes, the non-existent readership has much to anticipate.

Cognitive Dissonance

"Assange is an anarchist whose stated goal is to provoke an over-reaction on the part of the state that will expose its authoritarian nature, turn it inward in a spasm of paranoia and ultimately prevent it from functioning." -- Joshua Holland (Alternet)

This morning at 6am, the Iraqi guy and his limerant object were having a breakfast argument in the second floor common area of Slob Manor (read: rental housing). After about 45 minutes of the tiresome tirade, there was total silence. I assumed that both of them had retired to limerant object's room to "reconcile" their differences. Unlike Alan, I don't refuse to believe that Joseph and his limerant object are "fuck buddies" at the very least.

Another Sunday has come to pass. Same ol' shit. No details necessary. The highlight of the day, though, was a brief stopover at Subway® in the Aina Haina Shopping Center for an early dinner.

I'm actually dreading returning to Slob Manor after my daily excursions. Since Iraqi secret agent man, Joseph, and his limerant femme fatale commandeered the entire premises, Slob Manor has been a living hell. Alan, of course, doesn't care. He's too enamored with Joseph's limerant object. And, he's still in denial that there is much more than a platonic friendship. Thus, Alan still waits around conveniently like a lost dog to have chance "good rapport" discussions with the Iraqi secret agent man's limerant object. Nothing short of pathetic, I'd say.

Yesterday, in the discussion about my sleep disorder, I neglected to mention noise as the biggest problem. Of course, I have mentioned the noise pollution problem numerous times in the "blog." I happened to peruse an interesting book titled, "The Unwanted Sound of Everything We Want: A Book About Noise," by Garret Keizer at the library the other day. Keizer reasoned:

To say that noise is a relatively weak issue because it is less momentous than world hunger or global climate change is to make an incomplete statement. Noise is a weak issue also because most of those it affects are perceived, and very often dismissed, as weak. The ones who dismiss them, in addition to being powerful, are often the ones making the noise.

I have to admit that I agree with him. In my case, I am perceived as a weakling by others. I enable their strength by playing the part of a weakling (i.e., humble monk), often capitulating to their whims. By empowering the fools, I make it possible for them to increase the tyranny of their self-perceived power.

In reality, the fools are even weaker than I am. Take Joseph, for example, the Iraqi secret agent man. He's a puny guy with little to his name. He cannot return to his native Iraq because he was a stooge for Ahmed Chalabi. In Iraq, he would be a walking corpse. Fortunately, the landlord of Slob Manor feels sorry for him. So, Joseph apparently has a place to live for life. Every now and then, the landlord lets him earn his keep by employing him for hard labor at the nursery.

An even more pathetic example is Joseph's limerant object. She's probably in her early thirties, having worked 16 years for an insurance company only to be laid off. Now, she works at a mortuary. There's little evidence that she has any education beyond high school. Her last boyfriend was Joseph's cousin. Currently, she's messing around with Joseph, a guy with absolutely no future. Erica, the Iraqi guy's limerant object, could have used her wily ways to hook up with a guy that has at least some kind of future. She's attractive enough to do so. Instead, she has put herself at the mercy of Joseph and moved into Slob Manor. She's waiting for Joseph to change his "bad" ways and become successful. What could Joseph become? He was a failure as a secret agent man. Nonetheless, the limerant object has "put all her eggs in one basket" with a big hole in the bottom. She's biologically coming to the end of the line for procreation, although I suspect that she had a recent abortion. Without any higher education, she's doomed to "dead-end" jobs. She wants Joseph really bad, but she cannot deal with the expected Arab-Muslim female roles (i.e., subservience). For the time being, Joseph is her "fuck buddy," but only her pathetic mangy dog actually gets to sleep with her.

Then, there's Alan. I've already mentioned his odd quirks. Aside from the latter, he's 58 years old. He just purchased a five-bedroom "McMansion" in economically depressed and racially polarized Arizona. He has a 30-year mortgage which will be paid off when he's 89 years old. He's renting out the rooms, supposedly at a profit. However, Alan is employed here. He's working "graveyard" shift in order to make more money, although the hours are taking a toll on him. Alan is not planning to retire until he's 65 years old. So, I assume that he's stuck at Slob Manor for another seven years. His squalid room is also his storage unit, so there's barely any living space. Fortunately, the Iraqi guy's limerant object will still be at Slob Manor seven years from now. Perhaps Alan will make a little more headway with her by then. Unfortunately, though, Joseph will also still be around.

Few people really realize what kind of prison they live in or have made for themselves. They live their lives in denial of their mortality. They also believe that they are much more powerful, much more affluent, much more intelligent, much more beautiful, with way too many more options than what is reality. Truth for them has been taken hostage by cognitive dissonance.

Make no mistake, though. I know of my own foray into the realm of derealization. I also know of my own foolishness, which has entrapped me time and time again. Yes, I am trapped once again, but I also have more subjective freedom than before. However, I am being squeezed by mental midgets who believe that they are far more superior, intellectually and you-name-it, to myself. Hence, they are attempting to show me the awesome power of their mental midgetry. I'd like to say that I am amused, but I am not the least bit.

Am I just a nosy guy? Is that why I know such about so many fools? People, most of them fools, love to talk about themselves and about others who are apparently important to them in one way or another. Oddly, they know nothing about the ol' lavahead or the inner workings of the oversized cranium. No one bothers to ask. Or, if they do ask (rarely), the questions are rhetorical. I have learned long ago that real friendships do not exist. No one is truly important enough to be anyone's friend. What we call "friendships" are actually dangerous and sick dependencies. That's the reason why "community" no longer exists.

I have chosen the residents of Slob Manor as typical pitiful examples of cognitive dissonance, only because they are so familiar to us. Yet, each one of those mental midgets is generic. I could interchange any of them for any of the faceless dickheads out in the general public. Of course, that should be of no surprise. "Civilization" is only possible in a monetized and "commodifed" environment. Such an environment mandates a prerequisite homogeneity, totally festered with stupidity. And, indeed, that's what we find.

As I have stated previously, Slob Manor is a microcosm of "society," that is, the lower strata of "society" in empire (i.e., about 75 percent of the population). On a grand scale, rampant stupidity of the masses has led to the rogue nature of empire and, ultimately, the increasing totalitarian regression that is now required to keep the "inner animal" in check. The situation is only going to worsen.

My own thoughts now revolve around survival. I keep wondering why I waste money on renting a substandard room in an almost unlivable environment. Am I stupid? My living conditions are rapidly approximating that of homelessness. Why not just be homeless already? Then, I could at least apply the former rent money to purchase a 9mm semi-automatic weapon and other survival gear.

On that note, I must pledge my full support for Julian Assange and WikiLeaks (hyperlink constantly changing). As Julian Assange postulated:

The more secretive or unjust an organization is, the more leaks induce fear and paranoia in its leadership and planning coterie. This must result in minimization of efficient internal communications mechanisms (an increase in cognitive “secrecy tax”) and consequent system-wide cognitive decline resulting in decreased ability to hold onto power as the environment demands adaption. Hence in a world where leaking is easy, secretive or unjust systems are nonlinearly hit relative to open, just systems. Since unjust systems, by their nature induce opponents, and in many places barely have the upper hand, mass leaking leaves them exquisitely vulnerable to those who seek to replace them with more open forms of governance.

The ignorance and arrogance of the masses has led to their powerlessness and impotency. They can now only feed their fragile egos by consuming each other. The moneychangers and powers-that-be have been left to their own devices. Until now ...

Sleep Disorder

"What we need is more WikiLeaks about the Federal Reserve. Can you imagine what it'd be like if we had every conversation in the last 10 years with our Federal Reserve people, the Federal Reserve chairman, with all the central bankers of the world and every agreement or quid-pro-quo they have? It would be massive. People would be so outraged." -- Ron Paul

Yesterday, moms insisted on walking down to Koko Marina for a dental appointment at 9:20am. I piddled around until 10:45am before driving my Nissan® Frontier truck down to Koko Marina. I was supposed to meet moms at 11am. After a few minutes of waiting downstairs in the lobby in order to avoid missing moms, I came to discover that moms had already left the dental office almost an hour prior. I walked outside to find moms walking back to the building. For some reason, moms decided to wait for me somewhere else. I have admit that I was rather irate because the scenario always repeats itself. Rather than wait in the most logical location, moms wanders off. What I need to do is accompany moms, then sit right there and wait. I can always bring my Acer® Aspire One netbook computer along to keep me company.

Another groggy day has come and gone. Yes, I am alluding to sleep deprivation. The problem seems to be getting worse, and it's not just due to the various inconsiderate asswipes at Slob Manor (read: rental housing). I may be suffering from a genuine sleeping disorder, which I believe has its root in stress. The stress is what seems to trigger chronic insomnia. What is the source of the stress? The entire "blog" has provided the details. Sheesh!

My finances tops the list of stressors. I no longer have any control over my financial destiny. I am at the mercy of fuckheads like Ben "Handjob" Bernanke of the Fed. Oh, there are many more fools, too numerous to name. And, I am just one of the many victims of myriad Ponzi schemes introduced by those schmucks. I can only watch as millions of my fellow human animals are abandoned by "civilization." They will have lost everything that kept them civil. Now, they are relegated to a bestial existence. I am not far behind them. When my limited resources run out, I will be groveling in the wild as well.

Well, I really didn't know what to make of the current WikiLeaks saga. For the most part, the latest document purge seemed legitimate. However, there's been a lot of "noise" about Israeli Mossad involvement and other "off-the-wall" accusations. Heck, there's a genuine secret agent man living right in Slob Manor!

Secret Agent Man

Another visit to Hawai'i Kai went well. Moms served a hodge-podge of food for lunch. And, what meal would be complete without Welcome® vanilla ice cream for dessert? And, the rest of the day? The urban nomad fulfilled his usual benign functions and followed his routine itinerary as planned.

When I arrived back at Slob Manor (read: rental housing), I noticed that the Iraqi guy had parked his vehicle in the Indian guy's former spot. No doubt, he must have been worried that I would try to claim the space before his limerant object returned from wage slavery. Oh, what a chivalrous fool he is!

On a serious note, I suspect that someone has been rummaging around my squalid room while I am gone. I was never given a key to the lock, so the door is not secured. Only Alan and the Iraqi guy are home during the day. Now, who would be the likely suspect? For several weeks now, I've noticed tiny rocks on the tile floor. I leave my slippers (read: slippahs) just outside my door. No street shoes are allowed in my squalid room. Thus, I suspect that someone wearing footwear had been inside. This afternoon, I noticed the pile of mortgage papers, which I leave on the floor next to my squalid desk, was not the way I left it. There is also a small stack of crap on top of the pile, which is kept in a specific order. The stack of crap was not in the proper order. Now, why would anyone want to rummage through my personal files and useless possessions?

I've also observed Joseph, the Iraqi guy, skulking around outside at odd hours. Even Alan commented about how Joseph has a peculiar habit of popping out of nowhere. Often, I hear noises outside my window at night that sound as though someone is sneaking around in the bushes along the boundary of the Chinaman property next door. As I mentioned before, Joseph must not be here by choice. When in Iraq, he most likely betrayed his people. Was he a spy or a mole for empire? Was he a stooge for Ahmed Chalabi? That's probably why the limerant object is so enamored with Joseph. She imagines him to be an Iraqi James Bond. More like Austin Powers, I'd say. Baha! Ha! Ha! Haaa!

Austin Powers, Chalabi Stooge?
Well, the Indian guy has officially moved out, or so says Alan. However, the Indian guy only took his clothes, golf clubs, and a cheap frying pan with him. He left a really nice bed and his aquarium, amongst other possessions. I'm sure that Joseph will find a way to pawn off the items to gain some spare cash, what, being a secret agent man and all.

Community

Another day of ... you guessed it ... same ol' shit. The highlight of the day was an early dinner at Subway® on Fort Street Mall. Yes, I was dangerously close to the Diploma Mill. And, there were quite a few Diploma Mill students enjoying an early dinner as well. By the way, I felt much better today after my one-day bout with the flu.

Back at Slob Manor (read: rental housing), I asked Alan if he knew whether the Indian guy moved out. He wasn't sure, but from all indications the Indian guy is gone. The Iraqi guy's limerant object wasted no time in procuring the Indian guy's parking spot. So, my Nissan® Frontier truck will remain parked in the dirt pile. As I have already predicted, the Iraqi guy and his limerant object will take over the entire house. Even if the landlord were to move someone into the Indian guy's former room, the Iraqi guy and his limerant object will probably make life a living hell for that person. Unless, of course, the prospective tenant is able to confine himself solely to his squalid room just like Alan and I. Of course, for Alan, the limerant object can do no wrong.

It's easy to see why I have become a hermit, a misanthrope. I don't truly hate my fellow humans, although they certainly work hard enough at becoming despicable. For example, the situation at Slob Manor involves a collective of people who must share a common roof and common resources. Each one of us should have recognized the rights of the other residents as part of a small community. Instead, we have seen the constant usurping and trampling of those rights and a most pathetic power struggle for dominion.

I read in interesting article titled, "A Circle of Gifts," by Charles Eisenstein, which appeared on the Reality Sandwich site. He opined:

What happened to community, and why don't we have it any more? There are many reasons – the layout of suburbia, the disappearance of public space, the automobile and the television, the high mobility of people and jobs – and, if you trace the "whys" a few levels down, they all implicate the money system.

As I have stated in the "blog" many times, we don't have any sense of community or commonwealth. We live as a collective of individuals, most of whom are on the borderline in keeping their "inner animal" in check. Eisenstein again:

That is one reason for the universally recognized superficiality of most social gatherings. How authentic can it be, when the unconscious knowledge, "I don't need you," lurks under the surface? When we get together to consume – food, drink, or entertainment – do we really draw on the gifts of anyone present? Anyone can consume. Intimacy comes from co-creation, not co-consumption, as anyone in a band can tell you, and it is different from liking or disliking someone. But in a monetized society, our creativity happens in specialized domains, for money.

Slob Manor is certainly not a community by any means. However, it is a very accurate scale model of what is out in the so-called "real world." A sad state of affairs, I might add.

Illin' Fool

I attempted to go to sleep at 10pm last night. Three hours later, I was still wide awake. Within a few minutes, though, things took a turn for the worse. My complete lower torso was engulfed in pain. At first, I thought that I had suffered a bout of food poisoning. However, the pain did not originate in my gut. Rather, my entire lower back and abdominal muscles appeared to be the culprit. Within an hour, I began perspiring profusely. Obviously, I had contracted a mild case of the flu. I remained in a supine position until this morning, although I did not sleep at all. I was almost not able to get out of bed because my lower back was stiff and in deep pain.

Standing, sitting, and walking were all painful activities. Nonetheless, I followed the usual urban nomad routine. I attempted to procure a bottle of cold and flu elixir from Longs® once I arrived at Ala Moana Center. At the checkout counter, I was asked for identification. "I am 56 years old," I said. "I don't need any ID." The clerk was persistent. So, I walked off in a huff. I was able to purchase Nyquil® cold and flu elixir along with a cup of coffee at Foodland, thank goodness. Immediately, I had to drop back a dosage of the elixir.

I had not planned to spend time at the library. However, when I arrived in town, I felt really fatigued. I ended up lapsing in and out of a coma in the inner courtyard of the library for over two hours. Tired as I was, I still managed to restore my extreme monk haircut at the Institute of Hair Design, run through an abbreviated version of my usual workout at the gym, and even perform the dreaded laundry chores when I returned to Slob Manor (read: rental housing).