Incongruence, I Knew Ye Well

Another visit to Hawai'i Kai went well. Moms and I ate lunch at Panda Express®. Later, moms served Welcome® vanilla ice cream for dessert. The rest of the day? The urban nomad fulfilled his usual benign functions and followed his routine itinerary as planned.

Well, the day wasn't exactly smooth. The terror of being in the middle of Saturnalia shopping madness is easily understated. The crowds, the morons, the mental midgets. The worst incident was after moms and I had just completed our usual excursion around Hawai'i Kai. I had turned onto the exit from Koko Marina with my Nissan® Frontier truck. A moron in a big-ass white truck was speeding at about 30mph in the parking lot. I could see him in my rearview mirror. He literally flew over three sets of speed bumps. He pulled up right behind me, honking his horn, and yelling, "I have the fucking right of way!" I slowed down even more. He edged by me on the right, but was forced to stop at the traffic light. The idiot was still yelling. I hopped out the truck and confronted the fool. I politely told him, "You fucking idiot! This is a fucking parking lot and the speed limit is 5mph." My initial reaction would have been to grab him through his open window, but I refrained from doing so. Anyone thinking that I am too cowardly to actually perform such a stunt should know that I have done so many times when I was a less restrained monk. He was babbling some other crap to me. I calmly responded, "Who the fuck do you think you are? Get the fuck outta here, you dumb fuck!" Sadly, moms was privy to witness the spectacle. However, moms did not have her hearing aid deployed, so she missed the gist of the conversation. In all honesty, the ol' lavahead is a scary guy when he is pushed to his limit.

My bro returned home early. I ended up chatting with him. He was planning out his strategy to put a subwoofer in his truck. He had the documentation on his computer. Unfortunately, the computer was extremely sluggish, a notorious attribute of a certain operating system. I suggested that he run the "system restore" procedure since I am intimately acquainted with Toshiba® Satellite notebook computers. We ran into all kind of problems from a password-locked BIOS to missing "system restore" CDs. We attempted to "flash" the BIOS with a new version in an attempt to circumvent a lost password. The procedure seemed to be taking forever, so I opted to go to the gym and shop for groceries. Mind you, the time was already 5pm. The gym was crowded. I did a short cardio workout, took a shower, and did my shopping. I checked on my bro at 6pm. As I had suspected, the attempt to "flash" the BIOS had failed. I suggested that Linux be installed, but I doubt that my bro is ready for that. He's already planning for an Apple® replacement. I finally departed at 7pm, which made my arrival back at Slob Manor (read: rental housing) quite late. Once in my squalid room, I locked myself in for the night.

The dickhead whom I encountered ealier in the day had made me so angry that I feared that I was going to maim him and/or suffer a cardio event. In my eyes, he will remain a walking corpse. We have unfinished business. The only positive (term used loosely) outcome was that I was further pushed into the uncharted realm of incongruence. Alas, incongruence, I knew ye well.

Incongruence

The rainy day caused all kinds of problems. There were spot power outages everywhere. Although the rain did not appear to be significant, there were many flooded areas in town. The Route 55 bus driver told me that he had just been through a flash flood along the Northern part of the island. I rode his bus from downtown to Ala Moana Center this afternoon.

Returning to Slob Manor (read: rental housing) was a nightmare. The 2pm Route 23 bus never arrived. I had just purchased a local-style bento from Foodland, so I reluctantly ate the dinner while I waited for the next bus. Overall, I spent two hours at the maddening shopping center. In that time, I also inhaled the equivalent of two or three cigarettes, what with all of the moronic smokers everywhere. Of course, after battling the rain all day, I finally set foot in the dump only to see the sky clear up about two minutes later.

Well, I over-caffeinated myself by consuming two cups of coffee this morning. I felt that I had an excuse because of the rain. I eventually had to calm my nerves by self-prescribing two dosages of "elixir" (read: brewskis). No anxiety attacks, though. Yet, I am not at all certain about my mind. Am I slowly going insane? Is that what is really happening?

As an example, I found myself downloading a text version of the Lubuntu installer the other night. For some strange reason, I was compelled to do so. I wanted to replace MeeGo® on my Acer® Aspire One netbook computer. Why? I tried Peppermint, an Lubuntu fork, with extremely disappointing results. Am I experiencing "netbook shame"? By the way, "netbook shame" is similar to "cell phone shame.” Anyway, MeeGo®, aside from its cartoon-ish interface, is quite responsive. It also has very stable power management and networking. So, why not leave well enough alone?

Sometimes "well enough" is not good enough. My pathetic existence at Slob Manor would be the best example. Unfortunately, the situation is out of my control. I am dealing with moronic citizens of empire, essentially brain donors. Mental midgets. Nearly the entire empire consists of such fools. Where am I going to flee? There's no escape.

Ultimately, I believe that the issue of mortality has been the common thread. I have had to reevaluate everything. When I say "everything," I mean everything. No stone unturned. I have essentially wasted my entire life in the pursuit of nothing, and I continue to waste more time unabated. I am not certain about what I could do anyway. The human animal has never experienced true enlightenment no matter what anyone says. In the millenia covering history, humans seem to have gone backwards. We're heading back into the "Dark Ages." I recognized the symptoms clearly when I observed the myriad fools engaged in rabid Saturnalia shopping. Why are they celebrating a pagan holiday disguised as a Pauline-Christian one? Why do they still even observe the ridiculous Pauline-Christian hoax?

I must admit, though, that I have been distracted by a few abstractions. For example, I have been wondering what it was like to be a human several thousand years ago? What if I had been born then? There's no particular reason why I am here now. What was the human experience like before history? The questions just burn and fester in my mind.

As I am not an "Alpha" male, I probably would have been thinned from the herd (refer to the "blog" of November 5th). I previously thought that I possessed "Alpha" characteristics, but I now know better. The key, of course, is that "Alpha" characteristics attracts babes. That's the only true determinant. Don't believe any of prevailing psycho-babble. Since I attract no babes, I have no "Alpha" characteristics. That's why I have wasted away into obscurity. Heck, I have been thinned from the herd!

Perhaps I am entering the final stages of the "disconnection." The requisite step appears to be the engagement of complete derealization. Hence, the prevalence of incongruence. Is the exodus finally upon us? Who knows? Who cares?

Post No. 1,693

Nada. Nothing new to report. Same ol' shit, although I experienced a few anxiety attacks throughout the day. I did not resort to the use of the "elixir" (read: brewskis) to calm my nerves. The highlight of the day was an early dinner at Subway® along Fort Street Mall. I returned rather late (circa 6pm) to an extremely quiet Slob Manor (read: rental housing). I immediately locked myself in my squalid room.

I have not been able to ascertain the direct cause of the anxiety attacks. There are probably multiple issues, most of which I have discussed at one time or another in the "blog." Dwelling on the anxiety attacks only triggers more anxiety attacks. I am better off treating each anxiety attack as a unique case.

A brief power failure of about 2 seconds left the cable Net access disabled for 30 minutes, if you can believe it. Alas, by the time I was able to get back on-line, I was too fatigued to compose the "blog." So, I'll end it at that.

Higher Anxiety

Another visit to Hawai'i Kai went well. Moms and I ate lunch at Yummy's Korean BBQ. Later, moms served Welcome® vanilla ice cream for dessert. The rest of the day? The urban nomad fulfilled his usual benign functions and followed his routine itinerary as planned.

While at the gym, I began experiencing an unusual tenseness. Immediately, I recognized that anxiety was at play. I became quite unsettled. I also observed that my heart rate was accelerated, but I was not exerting myself in any way. Even after I exited the gym, I felt anxious. Whether I chose to believe it or not at the time, I was having an anxiety attack.

I couldn't even sit still on one of the benches overlooking the Koko Marina parking lot. I could see myself fidgeting. So, rather than purchase any groceries at Foodland, I opted for a 12-pack of Speights® brewskis (on sale for $11). Well, that's better than my original idea of purchasing several 40-dogs of cheap malt liquor. In any case, the original plan was to find something bulky to fill my allocated fridge shelf at Slob Manor (read: rental housing). Yes, the new tenant just cannot seem to grasp the concept of allocated shelves.

Well, long story short, I attempted to "kill two birds with one stone." I was able to stuff the 12-pack onto my allocated fridge shelf. I had to compact everything else into the remaining area. Now, it's packed solid. I dropped back only two bottles of the "elixir." Lo and behold, my anxiety attacks abated. Frankly, I did not want to resort to taking tranquilizers or anxiolytics. Even cheap booze is a better option. Sheesh!

M Theory Boondoggle

At the library, I completed reading, "The Grand Design," by Stephen Hawking and Leonard Mlodinow in one sitting. Otherwise, I have been reading a number of books, some of which have been checked out by other patrons before completion. Anyway, the premise of the book is to introduce M Theory, which apparently replaces String Theory.

Typical M Theory Hottie

In a nutshell, M Theory is based on eleven dimensions as opposed to ten in String Theory. There are also "no boundaries." The concept is loosely related to Quantum Physics. At the time of the "Big Bang," the universe was the size of a quantum particle. Hence, the laws of Quantum Physics could apply to the entire universe at that moment. For example, Heisenberg's Uncertainty principle can be extrapolated to apply to the quantum-sized universe. Thus, the existence of the universe, or multiple universes (i.e., "multiverse"), is a function of statistical probabilities. Since no bounds are applied, there can be 10⁵⁰⁰ concurrently existing or sequencing universes, at least according to the calculus of the theory.

From that point forward, M Theory becomes a religion. As Hawking and Mlodinow asserted, the universe "created itself." The seemingly strange idea is posited on time as a dimension, one of eleven in the M Theory model. After the "Big Bang," time and the three spatial dimension became predominant in our universe, and the other eight dimensions went into a kind of remission. Since time was not defined as a predominant dimension prior to the "Big Bang," there is no way to gauge whether the "singularity" existed for eternity or not. Hence, when the universe "created itself," it simply established the four predominant dimensions that became our "reality." We cannot comprehend any other "reality" because its basis may be on other dimensions unknown or imperceptible to us.

Of course, the big question is: How do we create something from nothing? The conundrum is that we do not know what "nothing" is. We do know that, at the fringe of the universe (i.e., the edge of the bubble of space), nothing exists. I would presume that the nothing outside the universe is the same nothing prior to the "Big Bang." What exactly is it? Apparently, it has none of the eleven possible dimensions. And, from where did the "singularity" emerge? How could the "singularity" be "something" when it most likely did not possess any dimensions, nor was it constrained by any physical laws?

Some of the non-existent readership may be wandering why the ol' lavahead keeps venturing into cosmology and quantum physics. After all, I am engineer, not a scientist. Oddly, I am an electronics engineer (EL), a profession devoted to techno-gadgetry. Unlike other engineering disciplines, EL requires a significant background in classical and quantum physics. Without quantum physics, none of the techno-gadgetry would have come about. Nonetheless, I am able to comprehend much of the scientific literature. Of course, an engineering background is also akin to a natural skepticism.

Back at Slob Manor (read: rental housing), a relative peace has overcome the dump. The Iraqi guy and his limerant object have been restricting themselves to the second floor. I am sure that they will be overjoyed once the Indian guy moves out completely. The new tenant has not really been around much. I observed her vehicle in the driveway this morning, although I have no idea when she came in. My sanity has enjoyed a much needed reprieve.

Not a Peep from the Sheep

Last night at Slob Manor (read: rental housing), the new tenant dropped off a few things in her room. She also shoved my stuff aside in the fridge to store a couple of food items. I remained somewhat calm because the fridge was completely full. Thus, I took it upon myself to clear out some of the Indian guy's rotting food in the fridge on the second floor while Joseph and his limerant object looked on sheepishly. I cleared enough space for Joseph, the Iraqi guy, to move his food from the fridge in the kitchen to the fridge upstairs. Then, I literally threw the babe's food items onto one of the now-empty shelves in the fridge.

Nice guy that I am (read: sucker), I opted to accept full responsibility for throwing out the Indian guy's food without his permission. I also disposed of the rotting mess properly and cleaned the associated dishware. I then scribbled a diagram which indicated the assignment of the shelves in the kitchen fridge and affixed the latter to the fridge door. Let's hope that the "confusion" will be rectified as a result.

As for the day, same ol' shit, if you can believe it. Absolutely no details are necessary as absolutely nothing was accomplished. For me, it was both meaningful and meaningless. Being a citizen of empire is oftentimes the epitome of Viktor Frankl's definition of "existential vacuum."

First, Greece. Then, France. Now, Italy. I read with great interest about the recent Italian demonstrations (i.e., riots) after Silvio Berlusconi barely won the vote of confidence by the Chamber of Deputies. I must say that Europeans are a much more passionate people than the citizens of empire. They have no qualms about voicing their displeasure. On the other hand, here in the empire, absolutely nothing fazes the techno-gadget-tranquilized masses. Well, a few of the enslaved morons became riled when groped by the TSA goons at the major airports, but the dissenters were quickly brought back into the fold. Otherwise, not a peep from the sheep.

Muthathar al Zaidi Day 2010

"Last year, we declared December 14th a worldwide holiday to be known as 'Muthathar al Zaidi Day.' The honoree is best known as the shoe-throwing journalist who almost clobbered Shrub at a news conference in Iraq last year. His anger at what the empire did to his country, on false pretenses no less, could not be suppressed. Fortunately, he was polite enough to simply throw a pair of harmless shoes instead of a hand grenade." -- Ol' Lavahead in the "blog" of December 14, 2009

The day? Can you say, "Same ol' shit"? Details? Nada, that is, until I returned to Slob Manor (read: rental housing) this afternoon. I happened to chat with Alan. He told me that Joseph, the Iraqi guy, was forced by the landlord to immediately move upstairs. Indeed, the door to Joseph's room was open and everything had been moved out. Alan then disclosed that a new tenant will be moving in as early as tomorrow. The tenant is a babe and allegedly a friend of the landlord's son. Alan seemed pleased that there will be two babes living in Slob Manor. However, what he doesn't realize is the ramification of the "henhouse" effect when two babes live under the same roof.

A few minutes later, the Indian guy made a rare appearance. He was just starting up a load of laundry when I saw him. I chatted with him for about 20 minutes. Seems that the Indian guy and his babe are getting rather serious. Details are not necessary, but they may be looking at marriage in the near future. The Indian guy will definitely be moving out before the end of the month. He also mentioned a few differences that he encountered with the Iraqi guy's limerant object. And, as I suspected, the limerant object attempted to take full control of the entire second floor.

"Whenever I talked to her, she was always having some kind of problem," the Indian said of the Iraqi guy's limerant object. "Her whole life is filled with problems." He also mentioned the numerous heated arguments that Joseph and his limerant object engaged in. "I feel really sorry for the guy," he told me, referring to Joseph.

Then, I happened to chat with the landlord. She told me that the new tenant will only be staying temporarily (possibly up to two months). The landlord's son owns a few rental properties, and the unit that the babe was supposed to move into is being renovated. As an aside, I asked the landlord about Joseph's future. The landlord did not know. She believes that Joseph will move in with his cousin, if and when the latter returns from Iraq. Joseph also has a few relatives in Arizona, but he does not seem to want to move there. The landlord also mentioned that the utility bills went through the roof after the Iraqi guy and his limerant object moved in. Alas, the ridiculous saga of Slob Manor continues ...

Mental Midgetry

"I don't want to see a bunch of wannabe actors on stage reciting empty platitudes and meaningless rhetoric. I want to see action. Get the empire out of Iraq and Afghanistan. Forget about regime change in Iran. Forget about a confrontation with Russia and China. Stop appeasing Zionist Israel. Cut the crap about al Qaeda. Tell the truth about the 'September 11th' event. Bring the empire's war criminals to the dock in the Hague. Repeal USA-PATRIOT and the Military Commissions Act. Close down the torture camps. The list is endless, but none of the items are 'on the table.' Why?" -- Ol' Lavahead in the "blog" of September 4, 2008

Another visit to Hawai'i Kai went well. Moms and I ate lunch at Panda Express®. Later, moms served Welcome® vanilla ice cream for dessert. The rest of the day? The urban nomad fulfilled his usual benign functions and followed his routine itinerary as planned.

Each and every day, I observe the ignorant populace around me as the empire's government and its puppetmasters (i.e., the moneychangers and powers-that-be) figuratively rape and pillage them. They are, however, too sanctimonious, too self-absorbed, and too arrogant to care. Shopping and spending money is all that they have on their minds. Even the weak and economically disenfranchised suffer from cognitive dissonance.

The wealth transfer from the poor to the rich has been accelerating with no end in sight. The ridiculous wars in Iraq and Afghanistan have been dragged on for over ten years. Ten fucking years! And, all we've gotten out of the deal is massive debt and a burgeoning police state, When WikiLeaks attempted to educate the ignorant masses, some of the fools actually sided with empire. Stockholm Syndrome, you think?

Then, there are the myriad mental midgets who are still asking why Obama betrayed them. Can I get a witness? Sheesh! How long before the morons finally see the "good cop, bad cop" theater that has been playing before their eyes over and over again? Do you see why Sarah Palin will win the next presidential (s)election as I predicted in the "blog" of December 6th last year? Yeah, that should seal the fate of the hapless citizens of empire. Fifty percent unemployment, permanent tax cuts for the rich, the end of Social Security, total police state. Why aren't we all goosestepping to the Fascist beat? Heck, even the AARP® supported the tax cuts. The fucking AARP® sold out! I won't be renewing my membership, that's for sure. The only "benefit" that I receive is the endless promotions to purchase various kinds of AARP®-sponsored insurance. What a fool I was!

Even rational journalists like Chris Hedges have given up. In his last few columns, he has been actively promoting rebellion as the only means left for reformation. This is Hedges at his best:

All energy directed toward reforming political and state structures is useless. All efforts to push through a "progressive" agenda within the corridors of power are naive. Trust in the reformation of our corporate state reflects a failure to recognize that those who govern, including Barack Obama, are as deaf to public demands and suffering as those in the old Communist regimes. We cannot rely on any systems of power, including the pillars of the liberal establishment — the press, liberal religious institutions, universities, labor, culture and the Democratic Party. They have been weakened to the point of anemia or work directly for the corporations that dominate our existence. We can rely now on only ourselves, on each other.

Unfortunately, the masses are not ready. The only time any of the idiots will revolt is when someone takes the very last 50-inch widescreen LCD tube on sale during "Black Friday." Every man for himself. Otherwise, they are too busy staring comatose at their cell phones.

Back at Slob Manor (read: rental housing), I have been ignoring the mental midgetry around me. Locking myself in my squalid room has insulated me from most of the stupidity. However, I did happen to overhear Alan talking with the landlord outside my window the other day. He went off on a tirade about the Indian guy and told the landlord everything about every possible infraction that the Indian guy committed as a tenant. I'm afraid that both Joseph and his limerant object have done the same. Their purpose was quite transparent. By deflecting all of the blame and attention to the Indian guy, they have made their own questionable activities moot. Typical citizens of empire, eh?

Questions for the Soul

Same ol' shit. No details necessary. I was fully functioning all day, thanks to a good night's rest. I can only treasure those rare moments. Sheesh!

The annual marathon event was in full swing when I left this morning. From the bus, I could see thousands of runners going in both directions along Kalani'ana'ole Highway. In some respects, the runners reminded me of a large tribe of chimps. Each of the chimps has a "soul," I thought to myself. The "soul," of course, has a distinctly different meaning for me in comparison to the standard religious mumbo-jumbo. The "soul" is a creature's lifeforce. Yet, as I pondered the existence of so many "souls," a conundrum was formulated. Where does the "soul" originate?

Religions comprising the Yahweh Triad (i.e., Judaism, Pauline-Christianity, and Islam) believe that the "soul" is created by a deity in "Heaven." Because the founders of the Yahweh Triad also believed that the earth was flat, they imagined that "Heaven" was right above them, accessible through seven levels (or steps). We now know that such a model is erroneous. With the huge expanse that comprises the universe, there is pretty much no locale specific to any deity. Thus, the origin of the "soul" is indeterminable.

The "soul" appears out of thin air from nowhere specific. There is no source "above" us. No local source is apparent either, unless the earth is indeed hollow. Obviously, by deduction, the "soul" becomes relevant only when a lifeform comes into existence. Upon termination of the lifeform, the "soul" disappears. Sadly, the implication is that the "soul" is just another function of the brain.

Yet, questions about individual consciousness and identity still remain. What is it about the brain such that it can create the illusion of self-awareness? What makes us conscious and cognizant about our own identity? What presents the illusion that there is a "soul" within us? Why do we intrinsically sense that there is a guiding force behind all lifeforms? Why do our lives feel so real?

Zombie Tidbits

Another sleepless night left me a zombie for the day. Fortunately, I was able to lapse in and out of a coma at the library. Sleep deprivation was courtesy the intrusive noise produced by various Slob Manor (read: rental housing) residents all through the night and early morning. The rest of the day? Same ol' shit.

Later in the afternoon, I was able to chat with the Slob Manor landlord. I have rectified at least one noise problem. The new guy in the attached studio keeps very late hours. He has been coming in at 2am in the morning. Then, he parks his Nissan® Altima right outside my window and arms the ridiculously cheap alarm. The short burst from the vehicle's horn jolts me awake. Who does he think is going to steal that piece of shit? Anyway, the landlord was able to address my concerns.

The landlord also mentioned that the Indian guy has not moved out yet. Say what? He is now in arrears for two months of rent. The landlord showed me the Indian guy's room. Everything is still in there. Bed, bookshelf, books, laundry baskets, aquarium, and a few clothes. Apparently, the Indian guy has been coming and going clandestinely. He even picked up his mail. The landlord has attempted to call him, but he won't answer his cell phone. Strange things.

Typical Wet Winter Hottie

Well, the big storm "petered out." There was some rain yesterday, but not anything approaching a storm. This morning, the sky looked gloomy. However, by noon, any sign of rain was long gone. Although there were predictions for a wet Winter, heavy rain has been a rarity.