Hermitary: Accomplished

Same ol' shit. Should we have expected anything more? Let's hope not. After all, I have resigned to my fate. Yes, after all of the wasted years I've spent chasing elusive dreams not of my own making. I wanted to fit in, I suppose. I wanted to be like everyone else. So, lots of time and money were invested fruitlessly.

In the end, I felt like a true loser. I still didn't fit in. I never became "successful" or "accomplished" in any interest, field, or activity that I pursued. Now, as a senior citizen, I have nothing to show for myself. No family, no offspring, no money, no "property," no babes, no wage slave job. Nothing. Nada. Heck, I hardly have any personal possessions.

That's not the real story, though. Had I not been prematurely emancipated from wage slavery, I may not ever have had the opportunity to embark on various research projects that eventually set my mind free. One lie after the other was overturned. Eventually, I came to discover the absolute truths (refer to the "blog" of July 28th of last year). Long story short, all that I have accomplished and perfected can be summarized as the monk (read: urban nomad) life-style. And, I'm damned good at it.

Upheaval

Usual Hawai'i Kai visit. Nada to report. There's been a heatwave for the past few days. Needless to say, the oversized cranium was severely overheating. Later in the early evening, I sought refuge at the air-conditioned den of consumerism (read: shopping mall) in Kahala.

I'm no longer certain about what to make of my situation. I offered an overview of the latter in the "blog" of yesterday. Obviously, I have succeeded in becoming a hermit in a crowded urban environment. I have reduced all of my activities to just a handful. And, I have effectively isolated myself from people. Ideally, I would rather be in the middle of nowhere by myself. Unfortunately, that's not an option at present.

As can easily be guessed, a life-style like mine leaves very little of interest to discuss. Hence, I have no need for a social life. I really don't even need the "blog" anymore. Yet, I can't seem to mummify it. I would rather compose useless posts than put it out of its misery. Zero readership, though, is just as effective as mummification.

My only real concern at this point is the collapse of empire. The bottom has already fallen out, so to speak. Many of us are experiencing the Great Depression Redux as we speak. Infinite amounts of money are being created just to keep the "system," at least for the moneychangers and powers-that-be, superficially afloat.

The problem is that collapse becomes imminent when the velocity of the current that is sucking all of the "bottomfeeders" into the abyss increases significantly. There will be a tipping point when the velocity exceeds any capability to stop it. Soon, the pull of the abyss starts working its way up the food chain. We've seen similar scenarios played out many times before. Therefore, we become complacent in the belief that we're just going through another cycle. Yet, no one seems to notice that the cycles are becoming more frequent and their associated turbulence more violent. And, of course, finance is not the only force at play. There are many other catalysts.

All of that just to explain why I have decided to implement the separation between myself and other people as well as mummifying all of the fun and games in between. When all hell breaks loose, almost everyone will be caught by surprise. I had previously tried to model any upheaval in the empire on the recent riots in the UK. At first, I concluded that chaos would be quickly suppressed by the police and military. Twelve days maximum before "order" is restored. Now, I am not so sure.

On a side note, there has been some upheaval in the tablet computing world as HP® just pulled its six-week old TouchPad tablet from distribution because of poor sales. The mind-boggling story is available in the mainstream news, by the way. Predictions are calling for the BlackBerry® PlayBook® to meet the same fate. Let's hope not.

Hermitary

Same ol' shit. Just the way I like it. Let's backtrack for a moment, though. What is wrong with the same ol' shit? Why should I live up to the expectations of others or society-at-large? I must entertain the concept of "freedom" again, but from a societal viewpoint. Here is the situation as it stands:

• Wage slavery. I'm not a team player. I don't want to be supervised. I don't care to work with other people. I am an underachiever.
• Babes. I can't play the mating game. I am not a babe magnet.
• Sports. I am not interested in sports. I am not a team player. I despise competition.
• Hobbies & interests. I have no desire to pursue any. Previous ones discarded.
• Social network & friends. I don't care to talk with other people. I do not want to involve myself in any group activities. I have nothing to share.
• Religion. Not an option. I am an agnostic nihilist.
• Family. Moms is all that's left of my family network.

I had a much more substantial list with detailed explanations, but I whittled it down for a readership of zero. The gist is still there.

Big Bamboozle

I met up with Lori at Ala Moana Center at 9am this morning. We spent about three hours at the Barnes & Noble® Café continuing where we left off on Monday evening. Unfortunately, there was little more information forthcoming. Much of what I was told made little sense. In each situation, Lori was somehow the victim of someone else's stupidity or malice. Ann had made the same observation, which is why she had asked me for clarification. "No one can have everything going wrong all the time like that," Ann had told me. I concurred. In every situation that she discussed, Lori has made herself out to be the victim.

There would have been a lot more missing holes in the stories had Ann not chronicled the various guys that Lori had hooked up with after her divorce. The guys seemed more like misfits rather than the intended target of someone wealthy enough with a higher class standing to insure a pampered life for her. Even Ann seemed puzzled. Worst yet, Lori seemed to have gotten into at least one bad situation. Ann suspects that there were more bad incidents, which is why Lori always appears to be fleeing from trouble. Frankly, from what I already know, the possibility of the latter is extremely high.

Although Lori has been candid about her financial problems right now, she does not have my sympathy. She had three years of alimony and lived too "high on the hog." Ann said that the two-bedroom apartment that Lori rented on the North Shore for the last three years cost $2,200 per month. "She doesn't want to give up a high class life-style or the illusion of looking rich," Ann told me. Some of the financial details that Lori had mentioned even when she was still married did not make sense either. The problems with her business venture (read: bicycle shop) did not jive until Ann clarified that the business "partner" was actually one of the misfit suitors.

Well, I am actually going far beyond what I intended to include in the "blog." None of it is my concern. However, I really don't understand why Lori feels the need to discuss her personal life with her friends while giving each of them an embellished or acutely abridged version of the story, sometimes not even close to the truth. Why go through that much trouble just for sympathy? And, since I am probably the most furthest removed from any of the people involved, there really was no reason for a cover-up. Very strange indeed.

I don't know why, but I ended up at the den of consumerism (read: shopping mall) in Kahala this evening. I suppose that I just wanted a brief escape from the reality of my pathetic life-style as well as Slob Manor (read: rental housing). I will say that I have to admire Lori for her attempt to live out her life as fully as possible. In her case, overkill. In my case, the exact opposite. Little wonder why I am always on the brink of insanity. I don't really need excitement. I just need to get out of the stagnant situation that is seemingly growing malignant by the day. Sheesh!

Post No. 1,934

In retrospect, I really don't know what to make of my brief discussion with Lori yesterday. Most of what she told me did not make logical sense. Thus, I would surmise that I have been the recipient of an edited version of her various stories. I have pretty much figured out most of missing details from all of our other previous discussions because of an exchange of data with Ann. As I stated before, I won't bother to transcribe the details in the "blog." It's not worth the time or effort. I will say that I observed the same telling patterns in my chat with Lori yesterday. From what I can tell, she's still working within the same modus operandi.

There's been another string of thefts at the gym in the past few weeks. That explains why I have seen police officers every few days either in the lobby or in the locker room. There has been one attempt to unlock my locker so far. The rest of the day? Same ol' shit.

Big Question

Usual Hawa'i Kai visit. Nada to report, which is probably good. I was supposed to meet Lori at the den of consumerism (read: shopping mall) in Kahala in the evening. However, she sent e-mail sometime during the day stating that we would have to meet earlier because of some other obligation. Of course, I was not surprised. So, I made sure that I was there a little after 5pm. And, as to be expected, we really didn't meet up until about 6pm anyway.

Lori apparently moved back to O'ahu at the first of the month after some kind of hullabaloo on Molokai. She's now renting a studio apartment in Makiki and looking to return to wage slavery. What I found odd was that she continues to maintain an expensive life-style yet claims to be close to broke. "You're living too cautiously," she said of my pathetic subsistence form of survival. That's about as far as we got before time ran out. I, of course, stayed on a little longer to enjoy a cup of decaffeinated coffee.

While I am not easily influenced by Lori, her assertion about my prophylactic life-style certainly resonated harshly with me. I am definitely allowing my entire life to pass just because I am hindered by monetary constraints of my own damned making. If stepping out to the den of consumerism in Kahala in the evening or downloading myriad hurdy-gurdy video clips is all that I have to show for myself, then I truly am pathetic. How did it come to this?

Well, I happened to add a minuscule level of excitement to my pained existence by discovering the Veetle site on the Net. I can now view the latest Hollywood movies at no cost on my tablet computer. Unfortunately, I cannot install the special plug-in, so I must perform some workarounds to view an entire movie. Believe me, I'm getting sick of workarounds. When will I get sick and tired of sitting around and wasting precious time? Yeah, that's the big question.

Pointless (Continued)

Same ol' Sunday shit. No words can even begin to describe the level of banality. Of course, there was an extended perusal of the hottie gym trainer at the gym. Baby was looking mighty fine. Is there no end to the banality?

I've been spending more and more time downloading more hurdy-gurdy video clips to augment my already massive hurdy-gurdy video library (HGVL). The sheer foolishness of wasting so much precious time to increase the HGVL makes no sense if the Vienna Sausage is on the brink of total dysfunction. What is the sense of it all? Yet, I am compelled to continue the activity (term used loosely). Shouldn't the ol' lavahead be contemplating a real babe instead? After all, his biological clock is ticking away. Actually, the ol' lavahead has a lot more to worry about than babes or the Vienna Sausage.

Everything else is pretty much on "hold" right now. That's why no progress is being reported. Personally, I am in a stalemate situation. However, I am ready to mobilize at any time, if the circumstances require such a move. The previous statements are only generalizations. I am totally ignorant of what is going on, just like the rest of the rank-and-file peons. I have an inkling that a bad situation is imminent, although I have no real proof.

Pointless

Same ol' Saturday shit. Senseless. Only novelty to report is that, at Slob Manor (read: rental housing), Kyle has become quite disgusted with Joker. In my last conversation with him, there were nothing but vitriolic comments made. Kyle is probably the best tenant we've ever had at the dump, by the way. Kyle has attempted to deal diplomatically with Joker, but he discovered that Joker is very defiant (and insane). "He's like a little kid," Kyle told me. I can't say that I could find an argument to his assertions.

Well, I finally figured out what is wrong (or right) with me. Two words: agnostic nihilism. I can safely say that I am at the threshold of the exodus. The last four years have not been a total waste after all. Unfortunately, the duress that I am currently experiencing is the result of the "disconnection" process. I am living in a consumerist and materialist society. Hence, my day-to-day interaction with the environment will be volatile at best. Heck, I am still trying to divest my cumulative years of indoctrination (i.e., brainwashing) in the many aspects of the failed "civilization" paradigm.

I am living day-to-day right now. I see no reason to plan for an uncertain future. My guess is that any "conventional" (read: rank-and-file) planning will be thwarted anyway. I have been distracted by thoughts about the mysteries of the universe and of life itself, which has rendered myself dysfunctional for extended periods of time. Clearly, there is a dichotomy (i.e., incongruence) between reality and human reality. I am often vacillating between one or the other. Yet, I willfully end up rejecting human reality every time. Human reality is essentially pointless and tends to muck everything up real bad.

Late Note: The "blog" is down to zero readership again. Not to worry. As a matter of protocol, I'll be continuing pointless "blog" postings indefinitely, sort of like the Fed’s zero percent interest rate policy being extended indefinitely. Baha! Ha! Ha! Haaa!

Senseless (Continued)

I ran into Ann at the library. She's a week into her new job. So far, everything seems fine. She's making a decent salary, too. I hope the position ends up being long term for Ann. I seriously doubt that unemployment benefits will be available in the near future.

Another senseless day has passed. Same ol' shit. Nada to report. Nothing accomplished. Nothing gained. Precious time passed quickly. Anxiety continued unabated. Money continues to flow into the abyss. Pointless. Senseless.

Senseless

Same ol' shit. Restored extreme monk haircut at the Institute of Hair Design. Absolutely nothing else was accomplished. I opted to visit the den of consumerism (read: shopping mall) in Kahala this evening. Same ol' shit there, too. I brought my tablet computer with me to compose the "blog," but there really wasn't much to write about.

I haven't been sleeping well for a long time. So, I spend most of my days, whether at the library or riding the bus, lapsing in and out of a coma. I don't even reach the state of sleep. I am simply sitting still and clearing my mind. Myriad hours of my precious remaining lifetime is spent in such a stupor. Truly senseless.

Comatose or not, the anxiety is nearing a fever pitch. The rampant stupidity all around me is growing intolerable. Recent current world events are bringing me closer to insanity. And, in attempting to understand the human condition, I may have thwarted myself.

On a mindless note, I have been watching episodes of the new "Hawai'i Five-O" series on Xfinity. At least some of the Xfinity's available content plays on my tablet computer. The reincarnated "Hawai'i Five-O" series is rather lame. I simply watch it because it is not as lame as many other tube programs, and it is filmed here in the islands. Heck, that's a pretty lame reason, isn't it?